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#71946 - 09/06/03 02:46 PM A question
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Men, I have a question about gay relationships and I feel that you are the ones to ask it of.

I heard a report, that the editor of a Toronto Gay newspaper, made some strong comments about Gay Marriage. He was quoted as saying that, he is in favor of Gay Marriage OINLY if it changes the insitution of marriage. He then pointed out that marriage should not be for life AND that it should never include an expectation of monogamy. In other words, he pushes for a gay marriage in which the partners know it is not "forever" , or as he was quoted, "until death do us part," and the couple also give each other the right to have other passing sexual relationships.

Now, this is just what I heard from a radio report and I do not know how to check it out.

But, I do wonder if the gay couples who are here on our board would agree with the editors opinion.

I will apprecaite any insights you have and are willing to share.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#71947 - 09/06/03 06:48 PM Re: A question
MrDon Offline

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I probably would not agree for myself personally. Jeff and I have been together for almost 4 years now and while I don't know what lies ahead, my hope and desire is to be with him for many more years to come. I really don't think about that very much though.

As far as myself with one person... my one person who I want to spend my life with, my intimacy with, my heart with is Jeff. I don't have a desire to go look for others. We both will check out "other guys" at times but we share in this together. We are just in love with each other and there is nothing out there that I desire because I have what my heart desires.


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#71948 - 09/08/03 01:30 AM Re: A question
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I am wondering if anyone knows what the name of the paper in Toronto is. Then we could perhaps find a link to it and find out what he actually said. I am repeating a report I heard on the radio commenting on the article. There is lots of room there for putting words in the man's mouth that he never said.


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#71949 - 09/09/03 03:23 PM Re: A question
welly Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/20/02
Posts: 11
Loc: uk
I'm gay and in a long term relationship. I think there are several issues here.
Firstly, I've never been a fan of gay marriage as such, but of equal partnership rights. Marriage and all its baggagehas little to offer me. I woul dlike my relationship acknowledged as equal to a heterosexual one. I don't need "marriage" to do that. I think the answer lies in an equal civil ceremony, with marriage returning to its roots in religion for those that believe and fit their faiths criteria.
Secondly, I do believe in monogamy. Open relationships suugest to me that there is soething wrong. I know some gay men think they can redefine "relationship" on their own terms - well we all do when we enter into a relationhsip - but honesty, openness and true exclusive partnership seem to me to be basic ingedients of a healthy relationship. In the past I was an "add on" in an open relationship and saw first hand how much the guy I was seeing was hurt by the situation.
I want equality not a moral blank cheque book.

#71950 - 09/11/03 12:14 AM Re: A question
Blank Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/08/03
Posts: 10
Loc: San Francisco Bay Area
I'd like to offer a different perspective.
It's hard for me to find queer activist projects that I can support, because I'm not interested in helping anyone get into the military, and I'm not interested in helping gays get into the same position that straights are in, where the nuclear family is the supposed end goal of every serious relationship.
I'm not the most experienced man sexually, but I self-identify as polyamourous, because I fall in love with more than one person at the same time and have never felt jelousy. When I thought I was straight and had girlfriends with whom I didn't do much physically, I tried to hook them up with other guys. When they got tired of waiting and cheated on me, I was unhappy that I was lied to, but not that they went somewhere else to get their needs met. I've been various degrees of intimate with a few different gay men, some of whom have other partners, and my only concerns are with disease transmission.
If the nuclear family needs to be propped up with tax breaks, wills that are harder to challenge in court, and protection from subpoenas, then it isn't that strong to begin with. If someone really believes in that way of living, he should have the security to make a social space for other options. I'm not sure if that's what this editor is proposing or not, I'm just riffing on the ideas that have come up.
My ideal would be to share a household or maybe even a larger space with a number of other adults. Romantic relationships would come and go organically. If two people wind up together for the rest of their lives, so be it. If that never happens and some people wind up playing musical beds forever, so be that, too. They could share responsibilities for work, household chores, and childrearing.
I don't think that scenario would be bad for kids. Coming back to the subject of this discussion board, I think abuse would be less likely in such a scenario, because there would be fewer reasons for an adult and a child to be alone together, and a child would have a broader range of adults to come to if something happened.
Things like this have been done, and they didn't all disappear in a puff of marijuana smoke when the sixties ended. The communes are still here, and some of them are doing quite well. There are skills involved in making them work, but the same is true of any other way of relating.
I don't want to get married. And if that makes me immoral, a pervert, or someone who doesn't know what love is, then I'll be the best emotionally naive, immoral pervert I can be. Anything else would be going back into the closet.


#71951 - 09/12/03 07:11 PM Re: A question
abcd Offline

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA

I will say that the editorial, as some of you have said, is a wolf in sheep's clothing, and it would not surprise me if the person is truly against the gay movement. The defense of gay marriage and then juxtaposing it to polygamy is horrendous. If he wants to campaign for polyagamy, fine...but do it separately from gay marriage. The gay marriage debate is that of a different tradition, more akin to interracial marriage debates of the past. Polygamy is a whole different matter. How often have gays received the "pervert" reputation ONLY because of such ludicrous misconceptions about the gay lifestyle! What is needed in the media are real messages (I've seen some of gay weddings on Bravo and gay adoptions), especially for those who are young and confused (or those who have never really befriended gays--a good of friend of mine once asked me when I told them I have a bf, "Where do you find these people?!!". Please for all of our sakes, we can not offer them a picture of gay lifestyles being uncommitted and the like, because the truth is that so many of us are not that. Certainly, we do NOT have to be that. Anyway, that's my two cents.

#71952 - 09/17/03 08:56 AM Re: A question
liuxin4122 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/17/03
Posts: 1
Loc: beijing china
i am a boy in beijing china
i am a office worker for export
i am 24

i am a boy in beijing china ,i am interested in

#71953 - 09/22/03 06:37 AM Re: A question
brian-z Offline

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
Not monogamis, not for life, not really much of a marriage then is it?


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