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#71735 - 05/22/03 01:44 AM Why can't I stand it? *trigger*
Sick Puppy Offline

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
I don't really understand this.

I am usually the "passive" partner in sex, I like it this way. It's what is more comfortable to me. I think I would have been this way regardless of the abuse...

Today my partner (Dave) came over for a while after work, tomorrow is his birthday so I am being extra nice to him. \:\) He wanted to do oral sex on me and I said OK although I don't like it much, because I figured I should let him do what he wants for his birthday. Usually it is the other way around that I give him oral sex and I'm fine with that.

I have always felt kind of self-conscious and as if something is wrong with me that I am a man and I don't like to get a blowjob. Everybody's supposed to like them. I don't know why I don't like them. You'd think I would have more of an aversion to giving them or to being the recieving partner of anal sex but those things don't bother me at all, it's how I feel comfortable expressing myself sexually.

I guess it depends on my mood as to how it will feel for me. I don't get an opportunity to have oral sex performed on me much, but sometimes I can deal with it, enough to keep an erection, and it feels OK I guess, but not that great, I could probably feel better from masturbation. Sometimes it makes me too distressed and I can't keep an erection. And sometimes, which is the worst kind, it just makes me break down, and that happened today, I started to cry, I got overwhelmed. He stopped and we did not try it again. I feel as if I let him down.

Why does this upset me so much? What's wrong with me? I don't have a specific memory to associate with this; I guess my mother probably gave me a blowjob at some point but I don't have it in my memory. All I know is that the physical sensation is very upsetting to me. I feel like a freak because of it. All guys are supposed to like it!! \:\(

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

#71736 - 05/22/03 02:42 AM Re: Why can't I stand it? *trigger*
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
There is nothing wrong with you. It is gonna take you a while to let even someone as close as your partner get that close emotionally and physically to you.
\Give it time little brother. Dont be in a rush. Let your partner know how you feel and why. Love is based on trust and understanding and sharing of feelings and emotions. We are a bit damaged due to the hotwiring that is all. It takes a lot of work to reprogram ourselves. You have you partner and he will be more than willing to help you in this. Just relax PuPs and it will be ok.

You feel you dont like it now and that every guy should. Have you done a poll. Or listened to guys talk about it. Everyone has their own preferences and that does not make them weird or sick. Just different.

Now I want you to do me a big favour. Be gentle with yourself and enjoy your partners company. And relax.

And lastly Pups change your handle for me. You are no longer as sick as you think you are. I think wolf puppy would be far more appropriate.

I have seen you help others and there is nothing wrong with your compassion and insight and love for your brothers here. And they respond well to you. So give it a try for this old Wolf.




#71737 - 05/22/03 02:57 AM Re: Why can't I stand it? *trigger*
MEC Offline

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 62
Loc: NJ
I also preferred giving than receiving. And the other way around anally. My main concern was an inability to keep an erection. Deeper than that, I think I was programmed to serve and be less than a man, or so the perception goes. To do otherwise, maybe, I would be hurt.

So many maybes. Maybe, today, it put you at so much ease and as one with your partner, you were able to let out your hurt to some one you trust.

Maybe, also, dislike of it is nothing more than preference. ?Simplicity?



#71738 - 05/22/03 01:12 PM Re: Why can't I stand it? *trigger*
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
All guys are supposed to like it!!

Never believe that all guys are "supposed to" anything.

Everyone is different. Don't judge yourself by what some prevalent misconception says you're "supposed to" be, do, say, like, want, eat, wear, watch, listen to,.....



"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#71739 - 05/26/03 08:37 PM Re: Why can't I stand it? *trigger*
joeybird Offline

Registered: 05/20/03
Posts: 8
Loc: FLA
Josh you say all guys are surpose to enjoy blow jobs well i guess im differant i am a married man who has been for 24yrs becouse of my s/a i dont enjoy oral sex my wife tries and yes i do let her however most guys think that you have to pop a nut to enjoy this well i can count on one hand how many times that has happiend and not from her not triing its me i just cant allow it too happien i enjoy the feeling but not the result you say that dave is willing to try things well perphaps you can try differant things that you will enjoy oral and hand are very nice what i triing too say is let him know what you enjoy and try to make each other happy josh it took me sometime too realize why i couldnt enjoy this and it was becouse of the man that abused me he wouldnt allow me to do things on my own it was always this way i wasnt too enjoy it just him well i can say this now i enjoyed some of the abuse andd yes i would have pleased him if allowed



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