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#71716 - 05/04/03 03:06 PM Sex question
Casey K. Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/04/03
Posts: 1
I am in a relationship with a male survivor, we have been intimate but no sex yet. He says he is almost ready. What my question is, will scar tissue in his anus (from years of abuse) make it harder to have consentual sex? Where he is the recieving partner or anal sex? Will it hurt him or me?


#71717 - 05/06/03 12:34 PM Re: Sex question
michaelb Offline

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 211
Loc: cincinnati, ohio
I think the real question you must ask is does he or is he psychologically able to have sex or anal sex....i know he says he is getting close....are you certain he is not just giving in to your desires and prodding????? having never had consentual sex, i'm certainly no expert....but i think your sexual activity , when or if it begins, should be done very slowly and you both should make absolutely certain that your partner is comfortable and able to participate in any activity psychologically.....i think if things are forced, there will be no love or pleasurure there....only hurt, pain anger, terror etc....of the abuse.....MOVE SLOWLY.....LOVINGLY......

psychologically, i know i would never want to experience anal sex see i was left with scars....i guess my sphincter muscle was damaged/ripped?????? and have suffered the after effects of that since i was little....can still remember my bitch mother yelling at me for not wiping myself very good because my underwear would become stained....i wiped myself fine, i just leak..........michael

#71718 - 05/06/03 12:51 PM Re: Sex question
brian-z Offline

Registered: 07/11/02
Posts: 770
Loc: Western USA
Unless your a very larg top there souldn't be a problem.

#71719 - 05/06/03 06:33 PM Re: Sex question
Sick Puppy Offline

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
This is something I haven't thought about. I think it wouldn't be a problem... unless there's a whole lot of it? I'm not really qualified to answer this but it's something that hasn't really occured to me before. I am pretty sure I have scar tissue there (I remember that in the prison hospital where I was treated they made references to the scarring there and laughed and said something like "I guess he likes it rough") but it doesn't interfere with sex. I can still have sex normally. I think that if it was to be a problem, your partner would be having other medical problems as well.

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And our ashes will fly
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#71720 - 05/08/03 12:06 AM Re: Sex question
MrDon Offline

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I do think sex involves much more than just having anal sex. I think it can be in many ways other than this way and still is sex in every sense of the way.

I am not sure about any scarring or if there would physically be any remaining evidence of this. You might find some information online or you may want to seek a medical doctor to find out for sure.

The thing that may be more of a problem would be the traumatic memories he may hold in that region of his body. For me, the trauma holds so much that I can not go there. My partner is very understanding and we have said that if ever we feel right about doing this, than we will. Otherwise we find plenty of other ways to enjoy each other intimately and sexually and that is good enough for the both of us. But my body particularly holds some very strong memories from the abuse I suffered.


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