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#71584 - 11/10/02 12:44 PM question
abcd Offline

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA
Does anyone else here find some sort of abnormality (whatever that means) in terms of their sexual interest in men? I do not know, but I am trying to figure some things out--to figure out whether there is something I need to untangle before I explore this other side further.

#71585 - 11/11/02 01:20 PM Re: question
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California

That is such an open and generic question, are you looking for a theoretical discussion of why some survivors are gay and some are not? Do you have some feelings of your own you would like to share and discuss? I am confused by the general nature of your post.

To answer your question without further clarification on what it is your thinking about,, yeah, i find some abnormality about my sexual interest in men, what i find abnormal is how my sexuality was scrambled by my abuse experiences to the point i was not sure about anything and that set me up to deny my feelings and end up spending some 20 years and having four kids with a woman that is incapable of being there for me and generally leaves me feeling suspect, inadequate, insecure, guilty and generally like a bad person.

Let me know what your thinking, ok?


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

#71586 - 11/12/02 02:57 PM Re: question
d503 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/12/02
Posts: 8
hey abcd

i am not sure what you mean....can you explain?


#71587 - 11/12/02 10:32 PM Re: question
rax Offline

Registered: 12/02/00
Posts: 75
Loc: Newark, CA
Hi abcd,

I'll try to answer this based on what I could understand from your question.

Yes, there are some things that need to be untangled before you explore the gay side.

There are entanglements between being abused and being gay. At the retreat a large percentage of men identified themselves as gay. It was definitely larger than the regular 10% rule that is generally followed. I dont know if the two things (being gay and being abused) are related.
Maybe, and then again, maybe not.

Maybe we were gay and hence easier targets to be abused. Maybe we were abused, and hence turned gay. The chicken-egg story.

For, me the abuse left me looking for protection, for safety, for a father-figure who I could trust and who would take care of me.

It also left me with an inept understanding and an inability to differentiate between love and sex.

Does that mean that Im looking for an older man to be in a sexual relationship with?
Or are these separate needs? Are these even valid needs ?

On a personal experience level, Did I untangle all this before I explored the gay side ? No.
Im currently seeing someone who is nearing 50 (and Im just 25) and he fills the void. He is charming, wise, takes care of me, he is physically well groomed and fit. He is the closest that anyone has come to filling my needs.

So, I guess you should just listen to what your gut says and do what you think is right.
Sometimes we get entangled in too many questions which have no correct answers.

take care,


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