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#71566 - 10/20/02 12:48 PM Having trouble with sex
welly Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/20/02
Posts: 11
Loc: uk
I in my early 30's and in a steady relationship with a great guy, but sex has been getting harder.
I used to have real trouble with phasing out during sex and going rigid. That is better after a few years therapy. I seemed to be making real progress and starting to relax during sex.I stopped therapy as I wasn't getting depressed anymore and also needed to save the money. Now i'm not sure.

Now I am finding it hard again. Its not the same but I am finding it hard to get interested.

I've always been troubled by extreme sexual fantasies where I'm the victim. They are still about and are the easiest way for me to get turned on, but I masturbate much less.

I seem to becoming asexual. What's going on?

I'm with a great guy. He is pretty understanding, but what sort of relationship s it without sex. he needs sex and I'm afraid of what it is doing to him.

Has anyone else been through this? Does it get any better or do I have to accept that sex and me don't mix.

#71567 - 10/21/02 12:14 AM Re: Having trouble with sex
Roy Offline

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
How long have you and your boyfriend been involved with one another? To some degree it is normal to experience a decline in sexual interest after a year or so as you begin to get down to the business of developing a serious relationship. Also, sexual activity, lilke most other aspects of a relationship, tends to ebb and flow naturally. Give it some time and see if this situation doesn't right itself a little further down the road. As you become more intimate and make yourselves more vulnerable to each other, there will be a normal decline in sexual intensity. What you are experiencing may be completely natural, having nothing to do with your history of sexual abuse. This also might be an opportunity to start exploring and expanding your sexual repertoire. It can be really great to find that you can let yourself go, so to speak, in the context of your relationship with someone you love. Taking sexual risks (safely) with your partner can enhance both the sexual intensity and the level of intimacy between you, giving you the best of both worlds!

#71568 - 10/21/02 06:13 PM Re: Having trouble with sex
welly Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/20/02
Posts: 11
Loc: uk
We've been together 6 years. What you say is true but we really shouldhave come through those stages. We did for a while, but following a period of stress earlier this year things have not recovered.

You may be right - its the natural ebb and flow. But I am finding it hard to let go and be intimate after 6 years of relationship and 6 years of therapy (on & off). Maybe I need to invest more time in it. Up to now I've used therapy to tackle a number of issues and have had to balance it all with a fairly demanding job.

At the moment I'm confused. Perhaps I need to give it a bit more time and space. I have found before that I can't force issues. I seem to have a natural pace, and one that isn't very fast.

I know that the time elapsed in our relationship and the lack of progress on this issue is a major concern for my partner.


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