thanks for sharing your experiences and your words of encouragement. it sounds like you have gone through (or are still in some ways experiencing) a lot of similar things.
i am trying to keep things going at my own pace, to not be pressured to speed things up (as i had allowed myself to be in past situations, with disastrous results for me -- shut down, resentment, hating myself, etc). i too have met those boys who don't get it, boys who have not understood me and have tried to pressure me into doing things i wasn't ready for. and sometimes i had sex and did things i was hating inside just so other people wouldn't think i was a freak. this time i am trying to listen to my inner voice and be okay with the fact that i'm not on everyone else's timetable, i'm on MINE, and that's okay. i still worry about my boyfriend losing patience, i know it's easy to just think that there a lot of guys out there who don't have these problems, getting laid isn't an issue for many gay men, and who needs to put up with all the crap that i'm trying to clean out of my life? but then i remind myself that he's still here, that even though i feel that my abuse has touched every part of my life and has profoundly affected who i am, i am more than the abuse -- i am a person with feelings, and desires, someone who has a sense of humour, who cares about his friends, someone who is creative and can occasionally muster up the energy to give of myself and make a difference. all these things are also me. and i think my boyfriend sees these things in me too.
i don't have a crystal ball. i don't know how things will turn out for me or for us. but for now, i'm going to keep trying to confront the things that hold me back and keep going until i get closer to the place i imagine i want to be.