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#71273 - 08/24/01 02:05 PM Apology and Farewell
babs Offline

Registered: 07/20/01
Posts: 59
Loc: Cub Hill, MD
Gay Survivor's Forum --

I've sent the email that follows to 'bosishere', but decided I'd like all to read it. I posted here in the spirit of SA support and am a bit surprized at the level of controvery that my post has caused. I feel that my opinions should/would have been considered less offensive than say "Blackleaf's revoltion to the thought of having sex with another man". Apparently my honesty about my gender was the cause of the real controvery.
Out of respect for the saftey issue which I know to be important to all survivors, I will refrain in the future from posting on the GAY forum. I'll continue to read though because the insights have been very helpful.


Bosishere --
I'm sorry if I personally offended you with my post on the forum. I know the tone of the posting was 'a bit strong', but it probably demonstrated the anger I feel against Childhood Sexual Abuse. I did not mean to come off as anti-gay or even anti-male.

I guess I just want to explain to you a little more about myself. I'm "Getteddie's" wife. My only personal context for talking about 'rape' is from the male SA survivor's perspective. I was married to Eddie for 21 years before the SA came to light.

I see the shame and therefore pain that he suffers daily. Just as our society prefers to falsely believe that 'males cannot be raped' it also perpetuates the lie that 'rape is committed by horny males/females'. It is important that this misconception be destroyed.

Horny people (of all sexual preferences) have 'sex' with one another, sometimes in committed relationships and sometimes casually.

Brutal violent people perform rape. I do understand that the perpetrators repeatedly tell their victims:
(1) that the abuse acts are 'sex',
(2) that the perps are committing these acts because they are 'horny' &
(3) that the perps are actually doing their victims a favor by teaching the victims skills that will help them later in life.

That is exactly what they told an 11 YO Eddie. Now that Eddie is 52 YO and has recovered the memories of these years of abuse those lies are tearing him apart.

On a site called 'Stop Prison Rape' I found some great information about the impact of rape on males. The stories and articles found there demonstrate what I am trying so much better than me. I'll quote an article from Tom Cahill (their president):

"Rape of any kind is *torture*. It's the infliction of severe physical and/or emotional pain as punishment and/or coercion. Rape is less an act of sex; it is more an act of violence, domination and especially HUMILIATION".

I've read many of your posts and I can see that you have suffered much pain at the hands of others. I, in no way, meant to cause you pain, but just to help lessen the emotional confusion of you, Eddie and the other SA survivors.

Someone Who Cares,

#71274 - 08/25/01 07:12 PM Re: Apology and Farewell
pondboy Offline

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
babs, thank you for your reply and being understanding of some of our members sensibilities. we are lucky to have someone of your insights helping us. chuck

#71275 - 08/26/01 01:22 AM Re: Apology and Farewell
fmighell Offline

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
I guess, I need a new dictionary, with a different definition for rape?
fmighell Anc Ak


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