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#71161 - 01/11/07 11:30 PM Re: Kidding myself
Dewey2k Offline

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Most experts in abuse psychology agree that orientation is quite separate from abuse; that abuse does not determine basic orientation.

From what I have seen and read, basic orientation is partially determined by hormonal conditions in the womb during fetal development, partially determined by genetic factors (which could be a result of the first activating certain genes in the mother or fetus), and partially determined by unknown elements.

Some people choose to act straight when they are gay or vice versa due to trauma, but basic orientation is unchangeable, IMHO.

#71162 - 01/12/07 01:31 PM Re: Kidding myself
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills

I was married for over 33 years. I had two daughters. I loved my late wife very much. I am gay. Being abused at the age of 11-13 years of age was very confusing to me. It made me suppress my sexuality at a very early age. It made me appear so much more mature that my peers. I was always afraid that someone would find out, about the abuse, about the lies, about me being gay.

After my wife died, four years ago, I was in a very bad place in my life. I had two very bad years of health problems, my work was in turmoil (typical telecom boom problems), the death of my wife, and dealing with my recovery and healing from the childhood sexual abuse. I finally decided that life was too short to live my life as I had for the previous 55 years. I met a fellow survivor at a survivor weekend and had been keeping in touch with him for years. On what would have been my 34th anniversary I was on a business trip and stopped by to see him and his partner of 34 years. It made me realize that being gay didn't mean that I had to conform to some caricature, I could just be me, the way I always was.

I have a partner now who I love dearly and loves me. I feel so fortunate to have found another love in my life, a love that I didn't think would be possible. I'm out to my family and am accepted. I am out to some of my friends but I don't hide the fact that I'm living with another man. I like my life now and am happy again.

Healing is a road. Sometimes it's difficult, sometimes it's easy, but it never really ends. There is always something new to learn, about myself and about others. I'm still looking forward to the journey.

Take good care of yourself,


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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