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#70964 - 11/16/06 02:10 AM same sex attraction
Barney Offline

Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Seems like the desire is getting stronger and I am creating more opportunities to make it happen. Feel like I am on a "slippery slope" as my patient wife has said "if an encounter with another man happens, our marriage is over". Not wanting that yet feeling more out of control.
Back to the same place I have been for years, staying married with an occasional brief encounter with a male. Trying to maintain a marriage but longing for sex with a male.

Love my experiences in both arenas. Drives a guy nuts!!!!!!!

Had lots of therapy, regrouped my many multiple personalities, healed alot from the abuse yet still can't seem to resolve this one. Just turned 60 and maybe I need to accept the fact that this issue will be with me forever. If that is the case then maybe I should accept it, be discreet and safe and not let it bug me so much.

Love to hear your wise comments my brothers!!!!!

#70965 - 11/16/06 05:05 AM Re: same sex attraction
sexslave Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/05/06
Posts: 16
Loc: Texas
I am a girlfriend of a survivor and I would like to give you another perspective. When you say:

"be discreet and safe and not let it bug me so much."

Are you saying that you are going to be unfaithful to your wife? Is that fair to her? How can you have a open and good marriage with a lie like that between you?
What do you want from male sex? Can your wife provide the experience, if you ask her? Is she open to being more adventurous with you sexually? Would she be, if she knew how strong your urges were? Be open and talk to her.

Sexslave's girlfriend,

James Fox

#70966 - 11/16/06 06:18 AM Re: same sex attraction
Koveri Offline

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 80
Loc: Dallas, TX
I'm gay and I agree with Shelly. It seems like you are NOT looking for sex (i.e. orgasm) with a guy but for something else. Maybe love, openness, vulnerablity, acceptance from a male? Just a thought. It is possible to get these things from men without having sex with them. Though, I'll admit, getting these things from a str8 male is rare, but it isn't impossible.


#70967 - 11/20/06 07:19 PM Re: same sex attraction
wildc29 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 5
Loc: Atlanta, GA

I ama gay male and I would have to say that you may be being unfair to yourself by not exploring you sexuality, and it would be unfair to you wife if you step out on her. Maybe you are at a point in your life you need to decide if you are a gay man and begin living your life that way. Society puts so much negative presure on gays for just wanting to be who they are. We are loving and caring human beings that just want to be happy live everyone else. IF you need the love and attention of a man then I stand behind you 100% if thats what you decide. Ultimatly you are the only one that can make you happy. YOu have to love yourself 100% before you can really love anyone else.


Be Well,


#70968 - 11/21/06 07:47 AM Re: same sex attraction
froggy12 Offline

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Back in the dark ages I was living in San Francisco with them thar hippies in the Haight. I began to have pain in my stomach that would double me over. Hmm I wondered. Ulcer? Went to UCSF hospital and had all sorts of tests. No ulcer so off to Psyche Dept. What do you think the problem may be the doctor asked me? I replied: Irish Catholic Homosexual from Boston.
That pain went away, but the others had been craftily hidden away, I thought. I can see their faces, except the one in the dark, know 3 of the names, the time of day and they hang around like an old fart in a telphone booth. It took me 30 years to figure out what and who I am. There was no therapy back then and male rape wasn't even a topic of discussion with anyone, except the priest in the confessional who said I did not commit a sin, I had been violated and that was that..I thought. I am a mental masochist because this stuff is like a scab on my arm and I will pick it to see the blood. It's my neurosis and I own it.

froggy 12, slightly demented but happy today.


#70969 - 11/22/06 04:16 AM Re: same sex attraction
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
I don't know if it's a choice or not, Barney. I'm not a "choice" person exactly. But I am gay and I am in a heterosexual marriage and some days I do think I can't stand it if I don't have sex with another guy. But I don't. And it goes away...sort of. And I enjoy sex with my wife. And I keep trying in my mind to come up with a way that it works to do both, but there isn't a way. So, I think that everyone is in a little bit different place on the sexual continuum and that maybe you're just a little bit farther over than I am, and if you are, I can't imagine how intense that longing is when it hits. But my wife and I are trying to work the whole thing out. We want to stay together. We love each other. And I keep trying to keep that little man in the back of my head know the one who looks at guys, and needs to be with guys, and keeps telling you that it wouldn't be cheating because there wouldn't be any love involved because it would all just be physical. That guy. I'm your age, too, and that little guy also tells me that I could die tomorrow and never know what it felt like to be with a man, and what if that is truly who I was supposed to be and I never even got to find out what it felt like. Shouldn't I at least find out what it feels like? I think he's with me for the duration, as are the longings. In this case, I really can feel your pain, Barney. Well, maybe not pain, but all that other stuff. It's a bitch, and anyone who hasn't been there would tell you to just make a decision and everything will be all right. But we know that it won't be all right. It will be a decision, and it will be the way we've decided to resolve the problem, but it won't be all right. I've made my decision, and I wish you well with yours....not my decision about whether to be gay or not. That one was made for me. The one about whether or not to act on my sexuality. I'm sure I've made the right decision. But that little guy in the back of my head......he's not sure at all.


I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#70970 - 11/25/06 11:31 PM Re: same sex attraction
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Well put Bobby!!


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#70972 - 11/28/06 05:34 AM Re: same sex attraction
Barney Offline

Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
As usual, great feedback from each of you. Love your perspectives, insight, etc. Good questions tho I think Sex Slave needs to better understand the conflict some of us face re the same sex issues.

I have read and reread your input and still feel I need to read it some more. Wish the ass holes who messed with me would have left me alone and maybe I would have a normal life (what ever that is). So, Bobby, maybe what you are experiencing with your wife, self, is where I need to concentrate. Perhaps one can live with the little guy and not act it out.

I will get back and thanks so much again for all of your replys.



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