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#70907 - 04/19/01 12:08 AM need a friend to help me through this mess

Currently, I am in a relationship where the issue of adult male survivors of sexual abuse has come up. Certainly there is a lot of anger on my part because of what happened to me, but it is also affecting my partner. I love Ed very much, but when I see something like a flashback, he is most likely in the crossfire - and he is paying for it dearly. I think that I am pushing him away for a number of reasons: the most important one being my behaviour - anger. All I need is for someone to assist me through this mess - I am making efforts to focus specifically on this matter when I arrive in Vancouver this September. But it would be nice for me to hear from someone who may have gone through this already. I lost one relationship, and am not about to lose another becasue of how I am dealing with the issue.

#70908 - 04/27/01 07:04 AM Re: need a friend to help me through this mess
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I would play with myself to mens underwear add during my marriage, I should have spent more time with my lover (wife), I would get angry at her. I also had boyfriends, not while i was married. Get the anger out in productive ways. Go play tennis at a backboard. Get a good counselor.

My email is

Hope you treat yourself and your partner nicely. Love yourself and your partner.

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

#70909 - 04/27/01 11:22 PM Re: need a friend to help me through this mess
fmighell Offline

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
For me I have trouble with my anger. I been told that anything physical like excise wares out anger feelings in a person.

When I feel or felt I've lost control and it can be real or made up, unconscious inclination, of betrayed trust, and having trouble recognizing my emotions, my old pattern or thinking kicks in a split second.

When growing up and not trusting anyone, and doing everything for myself, I was in control of everything.

My younger behavior around my brothers and sisters would be like a "mother hen". They told me to leave them alone, when we was at a teenagers age, they wanting their freedom from my mothering.

That lead me into having nothing to do with my self. It was hard to just let go of my family. I took up drugs and alcohol to cope.

So when I dried out, I still wanted to mother hen everything, be in charge still.
If I didn't, I'd get mad. I'd get unreasonably mad for a parking ticket, for parking wrong in the first place.

Because I keep feeling like I want to be in charge and I'm not, the world doesn't move around me. I have to let go. Things happen without me.

And crying oh how much I wanted to control my crying, at first I was a mess, but after I let my self go and cry, I can now feel sad at times but not balling my eyes out.

Over all, controlling anger is good but find a balance after peaks and valleys get to be a pathway along the road of life.

fmighell Anc Ak

Pray God to help with a willingness,
in the serenity prayer to start.

Recognizing two- emotions and patterns.
Then rethink ways of dealing with.

#70910 - 05/10/01 06:10 PM Re: need a friend to help me through this mess
blaidd Offline

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
Wanted to say I relate to what you wrote. I'm still working on finding an answer to these issues, so I can't offer a solution. Its quite devastating to have flashbacks interfer within a relationship. Recently, I had a bf move in with me and the flashbacks started as soon as we were intimate. I switched off after that and became numb and depressed. He moved out after two weeks because he couldn't handle it. This after having known each other for 2 years. It sucks that abuse affects us like this, when all we want to do is share a normal loving relationship.

hugs, hope things get better for you

Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.


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