Newest Members
twinker, LaneFiasco95, Kristabar, tom93, ninjei
13513 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
bcb00 (41), beginning (37), Gary H. (44), jewelmom (66), kdg2310 (58), Li Yuki (2017), monarchnaps (39), Neverquit (33), Nord (61), SoSad (48)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 83 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,513 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,193 Topics
490,102 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#70278 - 06/12/06 06:32 PM miserable
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
tired of healing - got to get out there

lonely as heck -

i seem to spin more and more - the intricasies of what i am - how I feel

and today just honesty -

at times I feel confident - at most of the time -

I am insecure -

I see these tall athletic guys - who are so confident and strong - and yeah - nice

I just wish I had gotten the upbringing that would have helped me be in that place

whatever -

I am trying to just be happy in myself and put myself out there - and learn as I go - take things I learn about myself - from each relationship

- have no expectation of being - ok the first times out there -

priorities may come clearer though - gosh I really like a sexy man - yikes I hope I find one with a kind heart -

anyway - so it goes

rather than hoping I will - might - see someone at the bar again -

I am going to get into situations to meet people

Although sex is great - I really need to develop relationships - rather than the sex stuff -

though - it will come up for sure -

and we'll hopefully handle it well

anyway - I have no idea - tired of living in hope

going to do some action things now -

so I can grow happy enough in myself to have a real relationship !

in some ways - I am so painfully raw inside and shy- and held back - but

enough study -

Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70279 - 06/12/06 06:39 PM Re: miserable
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
it's funny - this whole morning as I grew to think about these things - I thought -

why do we have relationships?

and all I could think of is - to not be alone -

I am good at being alone -

and maybe that is the thing - to be able to be in a relationship - and still be myself -

not contort - or - bury my interests for the sake of his - but learn to be myself and share that time too -

sounds neat - and a new kind of thing -

it was pretty much - burying it all before -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70280 - 06/13/06 04:04 PM Re: miserable
hanginon Offline
Member

Registered: 01/25/03
Posts: 89
Loc: sarasota, fl
mark

i hope you find what you are looking for. i know what you mean about all of this and i can relate completely, as usual.

be good, gentle and take care of yourself...don't give up anything just to be with someone, especially yourself!!!!

you are hugged,

john

_________________________
walker, there is no path, you make a path as you go...

(caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar...)

Antonio Machado

Top
#70281 - 06/13/06 05:28 PM Re: miserable
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks hanginon -

i am discovering too - gosh the low low sense of self - i had - and have -

i went to the gym - and I guess i didn't realize how out of touch i was -

in the sense that - i uncovered something - how to be gentle

a guy at the gym said - don't kill yourself on the bike - that would be counterproductive

so i'm adjusting - in the sense -

to that - (very helpful concept that was) -

not going for the intense workout - but one - I am really up for -

in truth - i like stretching and getting the body moving and healthy -

but it was a slow gentle workout - and i felt great -

not depleted - not shocked

- I started to see how - much of the time

i see these guys - and feel - they are so perfect ... i am not -

but i realize to a certain degree we all have that

so the need to be gentle and around those who are gentle

it's neat too - just learning to be ok with myself

and not give to the other stuff -
and also learning to see and care about those - who seem intimidated - when i can't believe that they are too -

thanks john

my hug is so nice to get

thanks

a () for a good day for you.

mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70282 - 06/14/06 08:10 PM Re: miserable
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Mark just want you to know that you really are great,,,,,,,,I mean it.

I wish I could visit and just spend sometime being your friend in person,,,,,,,,, but your friendship means a lot to me here.

Hugs Michael

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Top
#70283 - 06/14/06 11:40 PM Re: miserable
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Michael that's cool

thanks -

We can have a mini MS retreat!

\:\)

Mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top

Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.