Mark, sorry to hear that your birds were not feeling well. I hope they have recovered from their illness and are back to their “chirpy” self.
It was a wise decision to go out and about. Generally speaking I have found when you do this most of the time you will return home and in better spirits then how you left. Personally, when I have/had a bad day I tried to get my mind off of the subject by departing from my current surroundings. I found this to be a diversion, a kind of distraction that was needed t the time.
When I was younger I became self destructive when I reached such low times of my life. I turned to much older men at adult book stores for sex. I felt I wasn't worthy of any relationship to begin with, to engage in one actually terrified me. Even at the book store I would tremble and shake before going in knowing I was about to sin. I felt safer with older men for I thought they were more mature and not out to use and abuse me. Well this was not always the case. In time I came to realize this was self destructive; subsequently I found myself in far deeper depression after leaving the adult book stores. Not all experiences were negative fortunately, I ended up meeting some nice guys who were gentle and kind, but it wasn't the way I should have dealt with my problem. By acting out in such a manner only compounded the fact that I viewed sex to be filthy and secretive. It allowed for the abuse to grow in that sex was to be dirty and only experienced in the dark where no one could find out. I never felt I was worthy of love, compassion and even understanding. It was a very negative time in my life. The years proceeding this era were not much better. I fought very hard to bury whatever feelings I had and turned to my profession working long hours. By the time the day was over I was very tired and all I wanted to do was go home to bed. The cycle began all over again the following day. In a way it was my way of escaping from the past and the presence. Fear ruled my life and made me ever so weak.
Currently I work hard at changing my old habits and look toward a brighter future. I need to like myself in order to move on.
Mark I wish you the very best and know brighter days lie ahead. Stay strong dear friend! Keep posting your thoughts!