Sounds like you are a very supportive partner. I have the three months of no problems and then the intimacy issues kick in, I have been with my partner for years now and itís still a struggle for me, but we are all different. What you describe with your partner sounds pretty familiar. I guess letting him know that you will listen if he wants to talk about his feelings is all you can do. Just having you must make an enormous difference, loving him when he canít love himself or finds it hard to accept that you care means a lot. I generally keep what I am doing in therapy to myself when I have waded through something and understand it better I sometimes tell my partner. Your partner will open up more when he is ready, most of us find it very difficult to talk about it particularly in the beginning.
On the issue of him asking you to come up with things and him rejecting the suggestions, I would be inclined to send that back and say well what would you want to do, if he has no answers its impossible for you to come up with something, its an impossible position for you. Its natural to want to take away the pain and as you said you canít. What I need when I am feeling down is just acceptance that that is how it is right now and that I am not being asked to feel differently.
Your needs and wants are equally valid and important in the relationship and relationships where one is the looked after and the other the caretaker donít work for either partner.
There is lots of good stuff in the Family and Friends forum there doesnít seem to me to be any difference for partners in hetero relationships. Mike Lews book if you or your partner havenít read it is also excellent, gay friendly with a section for partners, its available through the bookstore here.
Welcome to the site.