Thanks Larry and Michael. Your replies are really nice.
It's Sunday, and for the first time in ages, I went to Church. I went to St. Paul's Anglican Church on Bloor Street East.
I sat there, and breathed in the quiet for a bit.
I felt an outsider at first, alone as the services had not started. But also because -
I was baptized Greek Orthodox and yet had mostly jewish neighbors, went to Catholic school and went to Bel Air Presbyterian as an adult for many years. ( I also studied Buddhism for 2 semeseters)
I definitely ascribe to a christian based life -
I feel the relations between us is what I choose to value - with you - each of you -
the money I have made is nothing - I would be dead if not for you all.
And so - I sat there - I recognized I felt an outsider - I collected some information - and
went to the smaller chapel where the early
service was to be held.
I listen, and felt an outsider -
But I knealed - and just felt the spirit of my golden retriever - tell me just lean your head on the pew in front - who cares what he is saying
it's been too long to be alone - it's been too fucking long -
I am going to lean my head like a dog on that pew and just feel at least the welcome -
I rested some and then started to listen -
I heard the words - but looked for meanings I felt ok with -
I heard encouragement and christ as a promise -
that even if your mind tells you that
you are not liked - or you choose to remember those words - of negativity -
Christ and the his life - was to say - look - this church is for you - this kingdom of
saints and community is to tell you -
and reassure -
time and again
whenever you need-
to come heal
to not retreat into your mind -
and embrace the hurt -
to come out into the reality of thinking
you are valueable - which we are
essentially valuable -
it was nice -
there is space between us -
and we honor the forgiveness and the honoring of
mistakes and the room to try again.
I didn't take communion but I spoke to the
person who gave the sermon briefly -
the communion was too overwhelming to take -
but I may go back - for one -
I am glad the Queen has embraced Gay Marriage -
as Head of the Church of England this is marvelous -
Have a good Sunday friends -
Your brother as ever