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#69449 - 12/08/05 09:00 AM I filed my police report today
cat lover Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Today I filed my police report against my ex-boyfriend for rape. It took me weeks to prepare, both with the therapist, and with the police captain. Some things I didn't want to think about or focus on for long periods of time; couldn't reallyi. The fact of the matter is that I was date raped. Acquainted raped. Emotionally raped. Call it whatever. I was manipulated. Writing it down took a while. And that's okay. I filed the report but am not pressing charges.

I have had a mixture of thoughts and feelings. Among them, I have still had the nagging doubt: was this the right thing to have done?

My friends have been seemingly eithier 100% behind me doing this, or 100% against it. One of them was very judgmental and as a result I have broken contact with him for a bit, and told him that his comments were very hurtful. My best friend doesn't know what to say, so I simply reported this to her as information.

The therapist, who probably knows the situation the best, supports me, and has even suggested that I might talk about my experience as a panelist for our local rape center. Interesting thought. Not many folks talk about emotional rape.

Other feelings: Relief, glad that there is this other step behind me. Another step forward. Another release to look to the future, to what's ahead, instead of being chained to an unpleasant past event. Still, a little bit of grief and loss. The person you're in love with is not supposed to do this to you. The grief is over the relationship and the potential it had. But the looking to the future is knowing that I have that same potential, even greater, with an awesome guy who won't mistreat me or use me.

Can anyone get me specific contact information for male survivor groups in Denver/Boulder?


#69450 - 12/09/05 07:27 AM Re: I filed my police report today
Rustam Offline

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 474
Loc: UK
Cat lover,

Doing the report and filing it must have been a difficult process, it should be an important step in healing from the crime your ex-partner committed against you. Well done, I guess friends and lots of people have difficulty understanding what such a terrible betrayal means for a survivor. I am sorry your friends weren’t more supportive and understanding. It sounds like you made the right decision for you.

Best wishes,

#69451 - 12/09/05 10:11 AM Re: I filed my police report today
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Cat lover,

What you are doing, in essence, is saying that you are not unimportant and that rape is a heinous crime. I wonder how anyone can argue with that.

There are guys here from Denver and perhaps they can advise you. Otherwise you might look at the list of therapists here and see if one is listed for Denver, call his office, and see what he recommends.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#69452 - 12/16/05 10:55 AM Re: I filed my police report today
cat lover Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
A quick update. The police have logged the report. I feel good about having done it. In fact, it helped me so much with being able to look forward instead of back that I nearly forgot to tell the therapist I had sent it in. I'm also glad I chose not to file charges, only because of the emotional turmoil which it would cause for me. Filing was enough re-living for me; I don't want to re-live it any more, but would have to if it were to go to court.

It feels like even more of an ending to an emotionally abusive and sexually exploitive relationship for me. Some days I have still feel angry; I usually channel it somewhere positive. For those days when that's difficult, I get on my bicycle and go for a long ride somewhere. I'm intentionally hopeful that now with having filed the report my angry days will be less.

I'm not sure yet about forgiveness. Just not there yet. I haven't felt that internal shift. Maybe I never will. Maybe it's a form of self-protection.


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