"If it feels good, do it" is a very misleading and selfish mantra. We've been hearing that slogan most of our lives and in my opinion it is a sucky way to live in this world. However, since we can never undo or redo the past, only how we feel or think about it, perhaps a better daily mantra for we survivors might be something like "If it feels right, just do it" in the sense that it feels 'right' morally, emotionally and, perhaps most importantly, in your 'gut'. Trust your enlightened gut instincts and you will usually be able maintain your authenticiy and self respect. But, I think action is generally healthier than inaction. Passivity has been my trap in the past; i am trying to learn to get up off my pity pot and to take charge of my behaviors and my feelings. 'taint easy, but it seems to work most of the time for me. There are lots of good books out there that have been helpful for me, and if and when you have access to a good, qualified therapist you can discover a lot of ways to improve your feelings of "desecration". You are now doing a lot of good work which will eventually lead you to recognize your sacredness and unique value in the universal scheme of things. Keep the faith, and remember the brotherhood is here to listen and to help when you need us.
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"