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#69286 - 10/10/05 12:47 AM gay men & date / emotional rape
cat lover Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Greetings, all. This is my first post on Male Survivor, and I am glad to have found the website. I hope I am following all the guidelines in my post. About 2.5 years ago, I was raped by the man I was seeing. Call it date rape or emotional rape or whatever, that kind of betrayal by a person I loved, and his prior & subsequent playing with my head, wounded me pretty deeply. It took me over a year to be willing to name it for what it was, and, thanks to the help of a competent professional, I have been able to move forward - although not without some significant scars.

I have found it helpful to talk with a couple of other men I know who were both raped. However, they are both straight, and their stories are not like mine. One was assaulted by a stranger, the other by a friend. Neither was in love with their attacker. So much of the recovery literature is geared toward women, and very little towards gay men. I am curious to know other men's stories who may have been in a situation like mine, and to know something of the resources that helped them recover.


#69287 - 10/10/05 12:57 AM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
cat lover Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado

I also forgot to include a question. Have others taken legal action against former boyfriends? What has that been like for them?


#69288 - 10/11/05 04:04 AM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
RockyMtJoe Offline

Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 97
Loc: East of Pueblo, Colorado
Welcome Brother

Seems the "gay" area is slow.
That is another story.

As you can tell from my screen name I am a Colorado boy, well now a "mature" man.

Yes, I have insights, was in a near rape situation
and was able to get away but the trauma is still there. He was not my lover but a "friend".

Your perp was likely either a rapist at heart or a really sick man. Still it was rape.

Denver has some good resources but I have not heard of a group that is both gay and for men that were raped.

I can offer some words as to "options" but the best is you have posted.

As to the lack of gay posts? It will change,
I am sorry if the delay caused any stress.

Rocky Mountain Joe


Whole lotta snow today!
Trust you are safe and warm?

#69289 - 10/11/05 07:26 AM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
cat lover Offline

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Thanks Rocky Mountain Joe. And everyone else too!

I have actually contacted the rape center in Denver two or three times, but I never seem to be able to find anyone who can tell me of rape support groups for men. So I have never been to one, but I would like to go. I know that, somewhere inside, I probably still have some healing to do, in spite of the work and reading I've already done with my therapist. I was brought to this awareness a month or so ago when sharing with someone for the first time the barest of details of what happened. With the words " Over two years ago, I was raped," I teared up and had to stop talking and couldn't really share anything more. I am glad you think posting here will help me.

I did read a couple of books that I found helpful. I am not sure if I am allowed to post specific titles here. "Male on Male Rape" was good, particularly the chapter on "False Intentions." I also got a lot out of "The Emotional Rape Syndrome" and "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship." I also recently read "Love Does No Harm," which is about sexual ethics. (I highly recommend that last one!)

It's hard for me to choose between the two de>

#69290 - 10/16/05 05:16 PM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
michael Joseph Offline

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
sorry you had that happen noone desearve to be hurt but we all know that here

hugs hope you are ok

trust is hard thing at times

Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat


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