I am jealous of you that you are dating 2 guys and I can't seem to find anyone. However, that is not the issue but I think like Jasper that you need to express your feelings about what you need in a relationship. Also I feel that SA tend to squash are feelings to accomodate the other's interests and desires. Neither one sounds like the person you need but if you express your feelings maybe one or the other will better understand what you want and will help you in your decision making. Communication is tough in most relationships even between men who are just friends. I think SA makes it more difficult to express our emotions, because during our abuse our feelings and emotions were not important, as a result we feel our emotions and interest are unimportant and if we do express them we will be rejected. For me rejectiion is another reminder that I am not lovable.