i arrived in Toronto around a week and a half ago

i have been really sure to dress properly every day - kind of an issue for me - in that - i am now back in a big city - and also - being completely on my own - i just was doing as in some senses - an assertion of who i thought i was -

i mean - i was yelled at for being slightly unkempt -

and also - coming into a new land - also insecure
about what i was saying with what i wore - who would i meet? and god forbid if they wanted to hire me for a job -

that aside - this morning i went for another long walk - i got home to the hotel - and thought about what i wanted to do -

and really just realized it -

felt so just contented that i went out in just a sloppy t shirt and platoon shorts and shoes -

i thought - kind of realized - all things considered - there is a time to glam up -

i know i can do it - but maybe it's not me - -

i mean i just went out for a walk over to church street - and just knew - when it comes down to it

mostly i am kind of goofy - but definitely okay with that -

i can put on the ritz if needed i was thinking

but as i walked - happy with myself -

i noticed i was getting a lot of looks -

and like i was open to seeing guys who i honestly related to as really attractive and similarly dressed but like sincere and not decked out -

i even walk around a corner and this very english looking blond really fair guy in a tight black t and jeans - looked at me and blew a kiss!

wow -

so i kind of took something from that

and i definitely saw a guy in ratty khaki shorts who smiled as i passed and the greatest gams i have seen in a long time -

i went back upstairs to my room - and decided to go back to Woody's -

i did throw on a fancier t and belt

but when i got there - i kind of thought - how
i think you make the connection - or I make the connection when - i think - i am not looking - when there is not a preoccupation with the surface -
i got there felt awkward some but relaxed in the smoking lounge drinking a blue light -

i sat watching the adonis's on the French Rugby team video - wow

and then a i noticed a young handsome quebecois
a small goatee and laughing his head off -

he looked at me - but he was in a group

i wasn't sure he saw me - well kind of not sure -

but we ocassionally looked over - and i sat there -

sipped my beer and finished my cigarette in no rush at all though - decidely going home after that - and just kickin back a little

i went to leave and i passed his his table and
his chair and he turned and said "Au resvoir"

it was really cool -

anyway - i walked home just feeling ok -

it's a bit tough the loneliness and all

but i gotta find a job - then gay curling will start - and maybe next sunday at the same time i
will go back - maybe he will be there again!


"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous