I haven't been on this site for quite some time now and I'm not exactly sure why. I'm finding it a bit sad that some of the people who knew me way back when are no longer around (?) on the site, but I recognize a number of long timers.
When I first started to have PTSD flashbacks of my abuse I relied heavily on MS and these forums and I can't thank everyone enough for their support, even if it was to just read my post. I can only hope that I have been able to be a giver also, but I realize that is not a requirement for being here.
For those of you who don't know me, my name is Scott. I usually go by Scotty, since my last name starts with "T" and that's what it sounds like when you pronounce Scott-T
. I'm a gay man, 38, in a LTR with my partner Doug. I have DID which is the new name for multiple personality disorder. I've spent the past 2-1/2 years or so struggling to get that under control.
Well, I'm pleased to report that I've found a good psychotheraputic regimin that has kept me feeling stable and present for about two months now. I'm no longer randomly switching from one alter to the other and I'm finding myself getting outside more and even making new friends. All in all, I feel comfortable that the voices in my head have subsided significantly and has given me much needed room to breathe.
I've invited a straight friend of mine who is also a survivor to the Level I retreat in Utah this September. I'm hoping that he'll be able to make it. I went to the Level II retreat but was in a bad headspace after meeting with my family first. My plan was to drive to Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park and do some hiking afterwards to decompress after the retreat, but when I got to Bryce I stayed about an hour and headed straight back to Southern California. I regret that decision but didn't feel like I was in the right place to be alone.
I don't seem to think much about my SA anymore, but the aftermath is still present in sexual addiction and other addictions when that doesn't work. I'd like to think I have it under control but I have to keep on top of it one day at a time.
I'm looking forward to being able to be myself at the next retreat and coming out of my shell and getting to know some of you better. Triggers have subsided substantially and I'm feeling confident that the experience will be a good one.
Here's wishing you safety and happiness and friendship,