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#69010 - 07/16/05 08:16 AM Re: I Welcome All Men to Post Here, Straight, Gay, Bi
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Thanks, Jasper.

You have done a great job of expressing the way I feel about this forum also.

We are all survivors of sexual abuse. We are men, essentially the same inside.

Each of us has a lot to offer.

I think that learning to identify with others regardless of minor, external differences is a key step in my recovery.

For so many years, I felt so different from anyone I knew. The secrets about the sexual abuse I kept to myself made me feel like a freak.

Even though I put on a 'brave' front for the rest of the world to see, deep inside I felt worthless and hopeless. Like I was permanently flawed.

Since I have learned to see myself as a part of a larger whole, those feelings have changed. I have learned to have compassion and love for myself and also find that I have those to give to others.

These days I feel almost allergic to attempts to divide us into groups--whether its young and old, gay and straight or any variation of those difference making labels.

There is a tremendous strength and comfort in unity with fellow survivors and great wisdom in sharing in a common masculine identity. What I like the most, is that true unity and real solidarity also tolerates and even encourages the development and appreciation of diversity.

It seems paradoxical to me--as do most spiritual verities-- that it is finding our common ground we are enabled to grow our own unique garden of flowers.

Thanks, Jasper. You are a real asset to this community of survivors. You certainly keep the good old Gay Survivors forum hopping; and that is a great thing for new and old guys alike.


"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

#69012 - 07/18/05 03:30 AM Re: I Welcome All Men to Post Here, Straight, Gay, Bi
medicb4 Offline

Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 71
Loc: Sweden
As a straight guy (presently hunched over a PC) I can say one thing. It takes more courage to be a gay man (unfortunately) in society as it stands now.

Lesbians seem to have been glorified and I don't know exactly why that is. Well, OK...I know why that is - Porn consumers, and people that want to be porn consumers but can't quite take the step, buy all that crap.

I support anyone in thier quest for happiness and human companionship with consenting adults.

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow". -Anonymous

#69013 - 07/18/05 12:57 PM Re: I Welcome All Men to Post Here, Straight, Gay, Bi
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Thanks for your posts here - and everywhere else on the site! It is a good idea to remind guys that the gay forum is just another place to post and talk about our issues and problems. There is of course an emphasis for gay guys there, but fine, a lot of the issues are still the same. I have found it very helpful to read what goes on here and also to contribute. And yes, I wasn't bitten, wasn't "turned", etc., etc.

Apart from the friendships I have gained and the specific points on which I have benefitted, talking to guys in the gay forum is an important experience because it helps me to understand the huge amount of nonsense that traditional society churns out about what it means to be a man. A lot of the shame I felt as a boy had to do with the "background vibes" I was picking up about what boyhood and manhood mean. I should lose my virginity as quickly as possible, I should brag about sexual exploits to my friends (even when I didn't have any real exploits), "doing it" proves I am a man now, I should be tough and solve problems with my fists, I am a sissy if I cry or feel insecure, and on and on and on. We weren't told that in so many words, but that is what was "in the air". So when I was abused all these false ideas just tore me to pieces.

Of course it isn't just gay men who now resist and fight against these stupid views, but as straight men we can pick and choose our battles; we can decide okay today I just can't be bothered to speak out. Maybe tomorrow. But from what I see among our gay brothers this is a battle every day, a fight for the right to be who they are. They can't just walk away and say it doesn't matter today; or if they do, it is somehow a defeat, a kind of admission that maybe all the male macho bullshit is true, or that even if it isn't the fight against it just can't be won.

In huge ways their battle is our fight too. I am proud and honored to have gay friends, including guys here, and yes, in part specifically because they are gay friends. I am grateful for their integrity and friendship, and for the courage they show in trusting me and helping me to offload a lot of the crap macho burden that comes with CSA.


Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


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