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#68530 - 06/10/05 01:20 PM Prevention & quick spin into hopelessness ***STRONG TRIGGERS***
Wifey1 Offline

Registered: 12/03/02
Posts: 380

Hi Guize,
I have spent a few days just doing some reading. I have only managed to read a few of the articles in the prevention section.

I can only tell you that I have come away feeling completely hopeless for not only myself but for Hubby also. I feel that the message in prevention is that he will and has been placed as a scourge (sp) upon society and nothing will ever change for him. That he should pay and pay again no matter how much financially it costs and then pay for those who dont step up to the plate to pay also.

I feel as worthless as a piece of shit. That I don't have a right to live let alone share anything even if it is with the complete intention of education for ourselves and others, because I have "with sound mind and body" made a choice to return to share my life partner who is a convicted sex offender.

Even if I went through article after article with my responses to the comments I feel they would only come out as sounding like excuses, not realities and questions on how to resolve very real problems that S.O.'s face to prevent re- offense.

I know there are shades of grey. AND I believe there are incurable sex offenders. I believe that we (my partner & I ) have not only an opportunity to help survivors, society by sharing our story of healing & ways in which we are learning so that he never re-offends. But, I feel that even that will & would be met with so much distrust (not totally undeserving)that any energy & vulnerability we would place our selves in with an attempt to make amends and heal all would be useless.

I read a posting the other day of someone who walked out of their home & saw home made posters announcing a molester in thier neighborhood. That scared the ever living shit out of me. That it could happen to us.

Hubby has already been harrassed verbally & physically at his job because of being a registered sex offender. I wonder is it the registered offenders that our society should worry the most about? Or the ones like our own perps who have never been thru the judicial system, or ever will be due to time limits? The offender who has never been caught, or told on yet?

I wonder how long before he is or I are physically injured by some vigilante & because the "Registry" does not allow for details of how a sex crime was committed that we would / could be lumped in with the likeness of the bastards who hurt him & I ?

yes, he will pay and will continue to pay, he will and I will continue to do as much as we can to prevent any type of re-offense.

And I also wonder comparably why our judicial system only requires sex offenders to register for the public. Why does it not require murders? or Repeat theives, drug dealers etc to register also? Aren't those types of law breakers just as dangerous in many ways? I.E. how many times have we read of the person who had a long list of convicted drunken driving charges prior to killing someone.

As I said I am not about making excuses, I truly feel as if we probably do deserve to be the piece of shit and less important person's that the articles have added to already feeling that way.
If a sex offender is not curable in anyway perhaps just killing them once convicted is really the only answer to solving re-offense and protecting society.

I know that prior to Hubby offending both of us felt that there was no hope for anyone who was a sex offender & that they should just die. No questions asked. I had moved into a level of forgiveness for SOME of my perps.

And I think of that thin line between addictive behavior that could change anyone from being a survivor to an offender and wonder, what if anything should or could be done with these people. After all most of his sex addicts group got caught offending because their addictions drove them to the next step of offense.

I know there is grey, I just am so damn depressed after reading the prevention material and I know that I must place common sense, and social morality in these decisions also. I feel hopeless, useless and like such a piece of shit.


[edited by moderator to add trigger warning]

#68531 - 06/11/05 06:55 AM Re: Prevention & quick spin into hopelessness ***STRONG TRIGGERS***
lostcowboy Offline

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 798
Loc: Rhode Island
Hi Sammy, sounds like you are really down in the dumps after reading all that stuff. I recommend sending Ken Singer a PM, ask him to read your messages about your husband and tell him which articles you have read. The ask him if he thinks it applies to your husband.

The reason I say to do this is after reading one of Ken's article's on grooming I wrote this,;f=1;t=004671

I was sure that writing it would get me banned from the site. Instead I got a lot of support. Also Ken sent me a PM, saying that I had misinterpreted the article.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!


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