In spending so much time thinking about the "mask" etc., I've been remembering how I was bullied 2nd-4th grade (4th grade being the worst-I wanted to die) yet I have few memories of it....just little things here and there.....I've always known about it in my mind but never tried to remember details, nor wanted to, but in a way it is helping me understand about my husband's "mask" and "wall." I remember trying to tell my parents how bad it was and they would just say "Just ignore them," which of course was not an option.... but finally after the 4th grade my mom did talk to the principal to get me in separate classes from the main girl. I always felt invisible around my family like they won't hear me. ....and hated how they'd talk about me in front of me ..."Well, I guess *she* doesn't want to be part of the plan right now," or whatever.... Isn't it interesting.
I've often wondered what kind of person I would have been if it had never occurred, and know I would probably have been happier, more outgoing (I'm shy) and definitely more self-possessed and confident. So, as I'm learning about my husband's journey I'm learning somewhat about my own, so I guess we'll get healthier together, huh. Maybe it's a good thing in a way b/c I can kind of understand at least some parts of his psyche, though thankfully mine was never csa, just ca by peers and I was not protected by my parents.
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.