yes, hello, i know some of you will remember me, i see familar names and some newbies; good to be among friends but sorry this is still a familiar place
some good news to share - my trip back to the u.s. actually meant i managed to circumnavigate the globe and make it home in one piece, including a side trip thru the middle east which wasn't exactly planned until the last minute (had a conference to go to).
not too bad for a middle-aged broad who had been told she was "too old" to start a new career overseas back in 2003
computers everywhere were ssslllooooowwww and sometimes scarce (the kalahari comes to mind) but from time to time, i stole a glimpse into this site to see how things were going; sometimes i chided myself and reminded me to let go of some of the pain so i could actually enjoy myself - not always that easy.
update on my relationship: after 6 months, i received an email from him indicating my email address had been unblocked. we had spoken regularly (altho infrequently after i left the country) since he blocked it but of course things hadn't been the same; still, this was a noticeable improvement in his rebuilding his trust towards me and i'm very grateful for that.
the csa books i had ordered for him and sent to his address he told me he returned unread and expressed it as "a shame i should waste my money on him" i retorted it wasn't a waste but it was of course, his choice.
at least a door was opened for him he might not have ever seen before, or even knew it was there for him to go through. maybe in time, he will.
as for me, after all my travels and experiences, i saw everywhere evidence of csa, sexual exploitation, abduction and sex slave trade issues in such different terms; i suppose that will be permanent now, that is, it all seems so personal somehow, and for the life of me i can't understand why more isn't done in awareness, education, counseling, therapy, etc. go figure; until something hits us personally we just don't figure it's that big of a deal, human nature i suppose.
but i would like to wish you all a very happy new year, i hope the holidays were good for you all, or at least tolerable :rolleyes:
i can say this - at least now to some extent i know why he seemed to withdraw so deeply and completely during the holidays. it always hurt so vey much and i couldn't understand it - without knowing the details of what he's dealing with i can now accept his actions as not having anything to do with me and when he wishes me well the sincerity is there, it's real and is good to hear. but as always, if not for this website, i wouldn't have understood him so well now, found so much understanding and hope; and am so very thankful for all of you and the experiences you've shared and comments and advice you've proffered.
many blessings to all and all the very very best in the new year
((((((((((((((((((really big hug))))))))))))))))))