>>>Because of my experience with a male perpetrator, I feel very emasculated. I have not often felt like a man and have often not identified myself with men. Even when I daydream about accomplishing a goal, I do not picture myself as a man.
>>>Part of my recovery means reclaiming my masculinity.
>>>But if masculinity means being like him....
Oh man.. do you ever sound like my partner. He has the EXACT SAME issues... which is why I am in TOTAL support for individual "male-focussed" and "female-focussed" approaches for working with SA survivors. There are issues for survivors that are common to both, but there are some very real issues that are specific to each gender. I can't see a female-focussed approach really comprehending or addressing the isolation and difficulties men face as far as not trusting other men (difficult to form trusting and intimate friendships as it is for guys let alone dealing with SA) as well as gender confusion issues, etc.
I tell ya if I was a bazillionaire philanthropist (how do you spell that word) I would pour a lot of cash into male-centered abuse recovery groups all over the place. (for an example of a great approach to this see: http://www.themensproject.ca/
). Healthy men is definitely an important element for us as women in our pursuit of healthy workplaces, healthy relationships and healthy families!
>>>Shaped by this confusion, I encounter some movements (maybe not even whole movements but simply outspoken individuals) which are hostile toward men, often labeling men as violent, and it doesn't help me.
I can only hazard an explanation that "they" are venting the majority of their anger at sexual abuse perps - which the vast majority *are* male -but the "they" in question do need to recognize that abuse survival is not just a woman's problem. Unfortunately boys are almost as frequently abused as girls which leads to whole bunches of adults of BOTH genders with sexual abuse issues to deal with.