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#67957 - 12/15/06 12:50 AM ... normal memory???
selene Offline

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest
... k was looking through some old photos of when he was a little kid and later told me he can't remember big chunks of his childhood ... nothing ... just bits and pieces here and there ... and he remembers nothing at all before age 8, when he was abused ...

... i've had my own issues with memory ... i "forgot" my abuse - which happened from age 5 to age 9 - until my abuser mentioned it to me whan i was 14 ... i remembered it all as soon as he said something and then i couldn't understand how i'd ever forgotten it ... it was like i'd never forgotten it ... and i hated him for several years and he got sick with leukemia and i kind of "forgot" again and to me he became the "loving step grandfather" everyone said he was ... then i finally told my mother about the abuse when i was in my early 20s ... i know that makes no sense ... but it's what happened ...

... so k asked me if i remembered all my childhood and i had to say i remember about like he does ... bits and pieces but not a continuous kind of thing ... and it does feel like there are big chunks missing ...

... but we both agreed we have no way of knowing if it's from being abused, because we both were, or if that's how everyone remembers ... my sister seems to remember all sorts of things and when she talks about it, i just come up blank ...

... so my question is do other people remember a lot about their own childhoods, from like ages 5 to 10 or so .. where we both are kind of blank to different degrees? ... how clear and continuous would a "normal" or "average" memory be?

... just wondering ...


"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

#67958 - 12/15/06 01:34 AM Re: ... normal memory???
Trevor Offline

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 778
Loc: Rhode Island
i remembr evrything

My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon. You look so precious.

#67959 - 12/15/06 02:52 AM Re: ... normal memory???
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey

There is no history of abuse in my family and can I remember, much, but far from all of my childhood but if I see a picture, or hear a story, I can revive memories. My sister, on the other hand, can remember just about every little thing that happened to her, me, or either one of my brothers, she has a memory like no one I've every met. I guess we're all different in that respect.


If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

#67960 - 12/16/06 01:17 AM Re: ... normal memory???
phoster Offline

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i have many memories, and they always seemed complete. you know i have some when i was little, others in the middle and much of my teens. when i uncovered the abuse, it threw me for a loop. i didnt realize there was a part of me i had blocked out. sometimes it makes me wonder if there is more? i think i have fairly intact memories, but i can't be sure.

compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

#67961 - 12/16/06 03:47 AM Re: ... normal memory???
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I got to one sad point in my kid life, and did not want to recover the memories that led to it.
Sometimes memories bob up, and I capture them, and they lead to other things.

I guess I can see good and bad, but most of my memory as a kid is wiped clean, but I constantly search for clues to who I am.

The memory that haunts me is the kid crying under a lamp in the pouring rain with no comfort,


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#67962 - 12/17/06 01:40 AM Re: ... normal memory???
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
which is worse ?remembering nothing or remembering everything ,guys who remember wish they didnt guys who dont ,wish they did . i remember it all before the abuse,during the abuse, after the abuse ,problem is where the fuck are the good memories ?and why can we block out stuff for years then all of a sudden not only can we not block it anymore ,we cant ever stop thinking about it at all? being a survivor sucks .i want just one!!!!just one fucking memory that dont hurt!

its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

#67963 - 12/17/06 02:32 AM Re: ... normal memory???
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Adam, it doesnt matter which, but you should be able to address a lot of yours in early stages.
When I went through it there was nobody to turn to, and as a kid, I blocked it out, good and bad.

Memories return as flashbaks, from nowhere, I just get them and feel in total terror.
Just one word in conversation or a bus passing can bring them on, and I just get out of it.

I must be just imagining it all, because the psyche doc discharged me, and when I see my doc, I will cause murder.

They dont take it serious here in UK, \:\(


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#67964 - 12/17/06 04:52 AM Re: ... normal memory???
Joseph25 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/04/06
Posts: 76
Loc: Canada
Almost all of my memories were blocked by a 5 year old child who wasnt able to comprehend or defend himself from what was happening to him. It was not until I was 21 that I started to "remember" what happened to that kid and why I was so fucked up. Since then things have been slowly coming back - sometimes as flashbacks when I am triggered and sometimes at the most inappropriate times. Just when I think I am reaching the end of the memories more start coming back... and I know that there is a whole lot I do not remember and hope they don't make me go crazy. In a way I think its my mind letting me remember at a pace that I can hopefully take. they come at night mostly (when the abuse usually took place)but can be brought up by anything I am doing during the day - a look someone gives me, crowds, reading a book to my neice, people at work, physical contact. Its messed up.

#67965 - 12/17/06 09:34 PM Re: ... normal memory???
TJ jeff Offline

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3554
Loc: Northern Wisconsin

some things are litteraly BURNT into my mind and have never gone away - other things - I remember and then forget - only to remember again later...

it is so very sad to me that I have so many more painfull memories of childhood than happy memories

I have a brother that refuses to even admit that the first 18 years of his life ever happened - I often wonder exactly what does he remember??? - does he remember things of the past that I cannot??? - but he absolutely REFUSES to talk of the past...

TJ jeff

Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History


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