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#67531 - 11/23/06 11:04 PM Re: breaking piont ... no apology ... do they ever take any responsibility?
beccy Offline

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
It is VERY wrong that he punched you Selene. I fear that Adam, Hauser and Sis may be right about keeping away from him at the moment. Maybe when he's had a bit of therapy and is seeing clearer, then he'll be safe enough to be with.

It strikes me as quite frightening now, when I think of my own bf's violent behaviour a while back. He never hit me, but he kicked, threw, broke things in the house and once he towered above me, breathing heavily, with the angriest snarl on his face, and really looked like he might hurt me. I didn't crumble at the time, I didn't feel 'victim like', but when I look back on it now, I see I've actually been scared of him and that's a horrible feeling. When you feel on edge, and like worried about speaking your mind or expressing angry emotions for fear of some kind of violence, that's not a good situation to be in. I didn't see it then, but I realise it now, how close he may have been sometimes to taking out all the anger from his life on me. I'm lucky that I never got more than lucky Selene, perhaps you and your husband could just keep out of eachothers space as much as possible. Try to get as much time apart as possible? Try to take care of you a little bit. just really take good care of yourself Selene. Your husband needs to get himself some therapy right now.


#67532 - 11/25/06 07:42 AM Re: breaking piont ... no apology ... do they ever take any responsibility?
honey girl Offline

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Selene,
I am also a female csa survivor, now a partner of a male csa survivor. But I am reflecting now on one of my experiences with my second husband (from whom I was divorced 5 years ago). He was and still is a very angry man, with a lot of passive-aggressive behaviors. At one point we got into a shoving match that sounds like the one you described. I slapped him, and he slapped me back. It was not only painful but humiliating to us both. His comment then was something like, never start a fight unless you're prepared to finish it.
I tell you this to attest to my familiarity with the dynamic. If arguments descend to physical violence, then you are in a dangerous spot: if not to your physical safety, then to your emotional health. This applies to both of you. And to your relationship. Fighting physically is a sign that you have reached the limits of your resources to handle things otherwise.
From what you have been posting, it seems that you have been dealing with hugely difficult subjects, with very little outside help. Now would be a good time to look for more help. It is not shameful for you to have trouble coping with this on your own, either of you. But please don't minimize the challenges you are facing, trying to tough it out. You are not alone with these issues; other people do have skill and empathy to give to you. We here can help but only in a limited way.
Good luck to you both.

I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

#67533 - 11/30/06 07:13 PM Re: breaking piont ... no apology ... do they ever take any responsibility?
Junyah Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/07/06
Posts: 52
Loc: Mississauga, Ont
Just wondering Selene, are you in any sort of counselling for yourself? If not that could be very helpful for you, he'll go when he's ready, but there's no reason you cannot go without him is there? and if you already are, then bravo to you..

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
Albert Einstein

#67534 - 11/30/06 11:33 PM Re: breaking piont ... no apology ... do they ever take any responsibility?
Brokenhearted Offline

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Selene, I second that. I couldn't handle it without having a counselor myself and she has helped me SO much see the problems in the correct light so I can deal. I go every 1-2 wks.


It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

#67535 - 12/12/06 01:05 AM Re: breaking piont ... no apology ... do they ever take any responsibility?
VN Offline

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Being a survivor does not create a violent man who will harm a woman. That is just wrong. And yes, much of us do take the responsibilty of how it is we act, if is bad. Much of time I think we will not so often take it for when what we do is good. But no, to be a survivor, that do not mean you cause physical harm to a woman, I think no real man will do that.


#67536 - 12/12/06 03:26 AM Re: breaking piont ... no apology ... do they ever take any responsibility?
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I echo VN, I am not violent because I met violence, I am totally the opposite, and would not hurt any living being.

I guess most of us here think the same, but it never goes on that abused boys abuse, there are so many other reasons to life,

No, to abuse,


Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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