I'm molepa. I am a 33 yr old mom of 2. I am myself a surv*vor of s*xual ab*se...
Hi Mom! Congratulations on being a mom and also identifying yourself as a survivor
! That is no small accomplishment.
I think that you will find many people here who are very understanding.
For my input, yes speak to your brother but not at the expense of your own happiness. If you would speak with him, maybe show him this site. Let him know that he is not alone. It happens to others as well and it is learned behavior that can be unlearned
or at least overcome. Men I think have the WORST
learned coping mechanisms. We often think that, "Get over it, it happened so long ago." and "This isn't because of the sexual or emotional abuse that I suffered as a child.". Indeed as someone who constantly struggles with this; even after I've recognized what it has done
, I still
struggle with these sub-concious messages in every waking moment of unannounced re-traumatization. It's me, I control who I am." When in fact it is actually the abuse that controls me. Hell, I often even re-traumatize myself just because it is so damn familiar
! I believe that women, by mere virtue of their sex, have much more support through the initial traumatizations. Not every woman, but much more than men. Look at you! You've sought out our site! Would he have?
Keep in mind that acknowledging the abuse is only the start. It is however a start. He needs to see that he doesn't need to remain in the patterns of behavior that he forged for himself. Don't ask him to change himself, instead ask him, "What is going to bring you more happiness?"
Welcome to the site molepa!