Everything seems to be so ideally based for him. I just want something real based on reality. It seems like, connection for him is all about everything being happy. like a concept.
I know exactly what you mean. My partner does this too; it is like he's got an idea now about what he'd like from the relationship, but doesn't have enough information about what this stuff looks like in practice so he can't fill in the gaps. He just says, "I wish it could be like THIS" and the "THIS" is always sort of vague and generally something that he's not too good at himself or doesn't have a lot of experience with.
That kind of dialogue comes across as blaming to me and I don't know that he always means it that way. For example, he made a comment about how there is not much non-sexual affection in the relationship... I was sort of surprised by this because I feel like I go out of my way to sit next to him, hold hands, etc. even when he is unable to do more, so I asked him for what specifically he feels is missing.
Long story short-- what he meant was, he wishes that we could share more acts of affection that don't instantly mean "sex" in his mind. Well I can't fix that! He avoids any kind of affectionate contact with me when he's feeling like he's not able to be intimate, because, no matter how many times I say "holding hands is not leading me on" he feels like there is a point of no return after which he will not be able to say no.
I feel terrible about that but there is not much I can do to fix it except keep loving him and respecting his limits.
So what he really meant by "I would like us to have more affection in our relationship" was "I wish I could experience some of this differently"-- maybe this is like where your boyfriend is at with feeling "happy" in the relationship? Not that he wants you to be someone else, but he wants to have a new lens, so to speak.