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#66010 - 10/11/06 11:52 AM .
soapy bubbles Offline

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

#66011 - 10/11/06 04:40 PM Re: .
sis Offline

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Hi SB, Sis again. I am going to go to court tomarrow to get a protective order against the creep. I am scared. But if it is the universes will then i will get it. I also plan on taking the legal process here to the full extent of the law. We will see what happens. I can attest to being in this situation as being very painful. I can imagine that is what he went through. You being a survivor yourself can understand that. I have had great advice from the group here. they said only he can make the healing work happen. but you can sure help. I am finding ways to help my family from this group and i am so greatful, you can too!! Hang in there, sis

#66012 - 10/11/06 05:36 PM Re: .
beccy Offline

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Hi Sb,

is your bf seeing a good T? There's also a n emotional coping technique called EFT which my bf's very excellent T has used with him. There is a website, I think. The technique has got my bf through some really difficult stuff and also been a good outlet for some of his anger/sadness. It kind of helps him to move through stuff, rather than feeling 'stuck'.

Really hoping for you that he doesn't disappear...


#66013 - 10/12/06 12:11 AM Re: .
honey girl Offline

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear SB,

It's understandable that he would find all that testimony difficult. It sounds like you said good and encouraging things when he came back in distress. I can appreciate your wish that he would simply take care of himself better; I go through that all the time with my bf, who is not always very consistent with his medications. Again and again, and yet again, we keep on trying. It may be worth it, if your bf hasn't already, to make sure that the dosages are well-calibrated. Some of the stuff has really disagreeable side-effects, too, and that diminishes one's interest in taking them.

But finally I myself have come to understand how important it is not to get sucked in to the notion that my bf will not survive without my constant interventions. I do understand that literally it can be a life-or-death moment, we have had some of those too. (He did eventually promise that he would never harm himself, and that if he were to seriously consider it he would seek help. So far, so good.) He has muddled through somehow all these years by himself, and can continue to do so (even if it's not the "best" possible way). Me, too, for that matter, and of course it's much easier to try to tend to his baggage than to look after my own....

I do (as you know) also simply hate to be left w/o warning. But the most centering thing I think we can probably do for ourselves and for these men we love is to show them that we care for ourselves just as we care for them. That it's not a zero-sum game, all for one and none for someone else, but plenty of love to go around for everyone.

Speaking of therapeutic techniques, my bf has had pretty good results with "eye movement desensitization & reprocessing," or EMDR. My one qualification is that I suspect some therapists may expect it to do most everything, but in my opinion there is still a lot of overlay (behavior patterns etc.) that need to be addressed once the trauma experience itself is less acute for the body-memory.

I don't really mean this as "advice" to you, I hope you know; so much of that is often directed at ourselves anyway, it seems to me.

Good luck in the crisis and good wishes for a long respite soon.

I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

#66014 - 10/12/06 02:44 AM Re: .
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

One thing that might help your bf is to know that although it's natural to compare, in reality our cases are all different and we want and need different things in order to recover. If your bf can't imagine himself ever prosecuting his mother, that would only be a problem if he felt that he HAD to prosecute in order to move forward in his recovery.

Even if he wonders if this might be important to him at some time in the future, a crucial reply would be that there's LOTS that is much more important right now.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#66015 - 10/12/06 09:08 AM Re: .
soapy bubbles Offline

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london
Thank you for all your replies, they've given me lots to think about. I really appreciate your support.

SB x

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt


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