Good luck, lester. I am sorry for the reason that brings you here and I celebrate your arrival. This is one of the safest places you can be.
I identify with this:
over 6 feet tall and 200 plus pounds, i still cant protect myself
I have struggled in the same way. I will give this insight, which I am working on myself: in life, one needs to defend oneself less than one thinks.
We (as survivors) are so accustomed to being hurt, that we spend a lot of time worrying about who is getting ready to hurt us. We may even seek out those who may hurt us, just to relive the trauma we have suffered. I think it may be less important to protect ourselves and more important to avoid those situations in which we need protection.