I will be flying out to see my BF tomorrow. Last night we talked for about 2 hours. During the conversation I started to get really tired (After all, for the past month we have been pretty much staying up all night talking). Now, fortunately for him , he works in the late afternoons sometimes, so even when we get off the phone at 6 or 7 am his time (3 or 4 am my time) he still gets to sleep for at least 5 or 6 hours (not all the time, but sometimes). I have to be at work at 7:30 am each day (M-F). I really don't have a lot of leeway to take days off becuase I am in somwhat of a supervisory position on my job (my job is very important to me. I am also fairly new at my site). So for the last 4 weeks I have been operating on 3 or less hours of sleep each night. Last night I told my BF that I had to go to bed early (1 am) becuase I was going to be on the road quite a bit today (yesterday, I felt like I could barely drive in to work). He sounded disappointed, but bid me a good evening. After that he called me 2 more times sounding really hostile. He questioned my whereabouts over the last 2 days. He questioned who he heard calling me on the phone while I was talking to him. (I usually talk to him on my cell, he heard my home phone ring while he was on the phone with me, I usually don't answer my home phone becuase few people have the number. It's usually a wrong # when someone does call). I felt kind of scared becuase he sounded so angry. He wasn't shouting, but your could feel the turbulence under the surface. I recounted my activities for the last few days. It just so happened that last night I came home and watched a movie while I was waiting for him to call. During the movie, a friend of mine stopped over (incidently, she is going to be getting up at 4 am to take me to the airport). She stayed for about half an hour and left. When he called to question me about my acitivities and whereabouts (mind you, I haven't been doing much other than going to work becuase we spend anywhere between 5- 9 hours on the phone each night) he was suspicious of the fact that I told him that I was tired and sleepy, yet was able to watch a movie without falling asleep (mind you I didn't watch the entire movie) He then asked me if I was alone watching the movie (obviously someone had captured my attention enough to keep me awake...I guess he felt that I should have taken that time to nap, that's just my assumption). Though I don't lie to my man and am open honest and up front with him, I chose to tell him that I was alone becuase I could not afford to sit up all night talking to him about a friend dropping over to chat with me for a little while. I feel really badly about this becuase I don't want to feel like I have to lie to my man, but at the same time, I can't always sit for hours and discuss/argue about the fact the he feels threated by any one how spends any time with me. I don't know how to handle the issues that he has with me having friends. It really scares me and brings up past issues for me. My mother kept us all (including my father) completely isolated from friend (and family...) She didn't like people coming over and she always said that friend were useless. I felt that she used isolation and a means to control and manipulate us. I think that isloation is very dangerous. So, the idea that my mate is trying to isolate me makes me very nervous. I have been in relationships in the past where I have allow my mate to retrict my social growth and development (in one instance, the relationship became physically abusive). I know that I have a history of abuse and abusive relationships, my BF has also had experiences with abusive relationships. This fear kinda sticks in the back of my mind. But, when he asks me what I am going to do about the fact that he is uncomfortable with my friends, I don't know how to answer that, and I feel threatened when he asks me that. If I tell him that I feel threatened he says that its becuase he feels threatened....I am not really sure what to do here.
Peace and Blessings...love and light