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#65513 - 04/17/03 07:51 PM Re: Need help confronting spouse over internet use
Sick Puppy Offline

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Wifenneed, I think I may understand what you are trying to say but then again I could be totally wrong. \:\) I understand the embarassment to say such things, though. If you want you can PM me about it so as to save us both from public embarassment (since I would be embarassed if I guessed it and it was wrong!)

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

#65514 - 04/17/03 11:23 PM Re: Need help confronting spouse over internet use
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Does an act that is considered taboo ( who judges these things anyway ? ) done between consenting people who gain pleasure from it do any harm ?

I know that the majority of porn is created on the back of unwilling and exploited people who would probably choose to flip burgers if the money was the same, so in some ways it's hard to say porn is ok.
But to many people porn is a 'normal' part of their lives.

I see the problem as being the reliance on porn, the addiction to it. And with that the lying, secrecy and scheming that come with it as we keep it away from our partners.

For me all that subterfuge and cheating created a huge amount of guilt that just made it worse, I felt shitty so I made myself feel better by looking at porn. My choice of porn was VERY selective as well ( gay BJ's ) but 'normal' porn just doesn't have that same hold on me, I can view that in the same way as most guys do ( I think )
My 'comfort porn' was where I went in times of stress and feeling down and just fed those feelings, and created the guilt.
'Normal porn' makes me feel horny with very little guilt. It's only if I seek it out that I feel guilty, if someone passes me a porn magazine at work then I react in a 'normal' way I think. But obviously nobody's brave enough to have hardcore gay porn at work.

Luckily I can now take it or leave it most of the time and don't seek it out. I think I have sorted out the reasons I needed to seek it out ( in whatever form ) and dealt with them, although I do believe I had / have two entirely different issues with two seperate types of porn.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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