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#65313 - 04/08/03 01:31 PM Not affected by abuse?
Sick Puppy Offline

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
My partner is a survivor of CSA as well as myself. He has told me about it, but that's pretty much where the discussion stopped. He never talks about it, and seems to suffer no ill effects from keeping it in. I know him very intimately and he doesn't seem broken in any way.

I was wondering... is it possible that his abuse just affected him less than mine did to me? I am pretty screwed up because of what was done to me, but he really seems fine on every level. I guess perhaps he used to be worse and has healed, but he is only 25 and hasn't (to my knowledge) ever been in therapy for it.

At first I thought he was just good at hiding it, but if that's what he's doing, he must be phenominal, because I've yet to witness any signs leak out from repressed feelings. He just seems like a perfectly normal guy. He doesn't have any of the weird hangups and feelings that I do because of the abuse.

He is extremely supportive of me and understands very well what I go through, but I wish I could say the same for him. I can't support him with these issues because frankly they don't seem to bother him. It's confusing...

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

#65314 - 04/08/03 04:59 PM Re: Not affected by abuse?
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
SP - People who were abused react to the trauma in different ways. Indeed some may show little or no disruption from the abuse while others with even less trauma show significant responses. It isn't so much how much but how it affects and impacts the victim.

However, I also have noticed over the years of treating CSA, that there are plateaus at which the symptoms of CSA need to be assessed and services provided: at the time of discovery of the abuse and ages 8; 12-13; 18-22. If it is not brought out then, generally it will not rise up until about 35-40; 45-55; beyond. Unfortunately, when it comes up later in life, your symptoms have probably all ready affected you, your job, your relationships, your partner, your children...every aspect of your life. I also find that later in life places another guilt trip of "What I shoulda, coulda..." and "The time I wasted..." .

I suggest you not compare yourself to others and how their healing is progressing. Focus on your own journey. I still recall the strength you had with that creep in the store!! Even though it was unnerving, you found your voice!!!! ;\)
I read your posts and encourage you to keep positive about yourself and your journey!
Hope this helped. Questions? PM me. \:\)


If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

#65315 - 04/08/03 08:49 PM Re: Not affected by abuse?
Sleepy Offline

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
I remember reading a post some months ago where SA was compared to a bank robbery. The story goes that there were 20 people in a bank when someone attemped to rob it. Later when the police question the 20 witnesses they ended up getting 20 different stories. And so the same can be true for SA, at least that's how it was described. Everyone experiences it and is effected by it differently. Maybe this is true for you?

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck


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