I have been like this all week. Because of all the horrible things that have happened to me in the last few months I tend to keep more and more quiet. I have less and less so called friends and when I contact my true friends it's like I am not interested in them. I miss my love and I am sad because I miss him every day. I do all the things I need to do (classes at university, work at the photo shop..) but I carry this overwhelming sadness inside.
On top of that, every year I have the St Valentine syndrome of depression. I feel really lonely then. It's the same at Christmas, I hate that time. I can't wait for St Valentine's to be over. I am planning to lock myself in as early as possible so I can avoid the hundreds of couples kissing on the streets, in the metro...
I am really quiet these days and I am starting to wonder if being so quiet is normal. I live in a 12 meter square appartment and though it's a rat hole, I am fine spending the day there reading and doing nothing much. If I can't get over my bf, where does that leave me ? I am not able to love often (I only loved truly one guy before V and I am 34 now).
Anyway, sorry to bug you tonight but this is the only place where I can get support and understanding, the only place where I can actually write this.