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#6476 - 08/08/04 12:59 PM How does it happen?
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
It seem like there are some things that remain so painful, any little thing can bring them back again? I was searching through the 'off topic' section, looking for a specific post. And just was looking at some of the posts, here and there, from earlier this year. I seen the one I posted for my brother's birthday, in January.

I went to his grave a few times when I was home last month. I was feeling somewhat 'ok' with things. And now suddenly it just come back hard.

I miss him. and I feel guilty. All over again. \:\(


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#6477 - 08/08/04 04:27 PM Re: How does it happen?
jimrh Offline

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA

#6478 - 08/08/04 05:56 PM Re: How does it happen?
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1984
Loc: Flint, Michigan
(((((((((( Leosha ))))))))))

Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

#6479 - 08/08/04 05:59 PM Re: How does it happen?
reality2k4 Offline

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6845
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...

Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

#6480 - 08/08/04 09:29 PM Re: How does it happen?
Shawn_L35 Offline

Registered: 07/29/04
Posts: 31

You will never stop missing your brother. What you must learn is that you did all you could do and the guilt you feel is something that will one day go away. It was not you that caused your brother's death. You stayed with him. You were six, if that.

Leosha, loss is a tough one. But guilt is even harder. Especially when no blame lies with you. I am sorry you are hurting.



#6481 - 08/08/04 10:58 PM Re: How does it happen?
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
You asked why you were triggered. Well that seems to be common to people who are victims of any trauma. I am not sure that anyone can get something like that totally out of their heads--but it does not need to crush us.

The trick to develop is to know what triggers us and try to avoid the chance of being triggered as much as we can. Spontaneous triggers will always be there, or at least they are still there for me, from other traumas I had than SA.

I think you miss more than your brother--you miss all that the two of you would have done and said to each other. From what I know of you Leosha, you weren't meant to be an only child. Yet that is the way it worked out. We just can't make up what we loss by not having our brothers a real part of our lives--I know you understand.

Peace to you Leosha,


If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

#6482 - 08/08/04 11:18 PM Re: How does it happen?
MrDon Offline

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I too sometimes miss my mom and many things will bring it up. Sometimes all I can do is just cry because I still miss her. I wish I could offer more


In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!

#6483 - 08/09/04 09:46 AM Re: How does it happen?
Ivo Offline

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
Hello Leosha,
from my experience there is no help with huge sadness in cases like this.
I lost my mother, on extremely traumatic way, when I was 14 years old. After that I was not able to speak about it for ten years. It just hurt me so much. All I could do is to accept pain and sadness.

Sorry if I am too dark \:\( ...

#6484 - 08/09/04 03:28 PM Re: How does it happen?
crisispoint Offline

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts

I lost my mother over 5 years ago. It sucks. It'll always suck. I miss her terribly today, but my hopes, which may seem naive to those who aren't religious, lie in the future. We will see each other again, and this time, we'll never be parted.

You miss your brother, I know this. And it is never easy to deal with loss, no matter what the circumstances. Yours were more horrible than most, so that adds to it.

Leshka, I don't know if you believe in an afterlife, but I truly believe those who we care about that are gone never leave us completely. They still watch over us, take part in our lives, laugh with our happiness, and cry in our sadness. Your brother sees you and he'd very happy that you love him so much. I know he feels the same way.

I know you carry him with you always. Let yourself feel him, and let yourself know he loves you.

I'm here if you need me, my dear friend.



There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

#6485 - 08/10/04 04:25 AM Re: How does it happen?
TJ jeff Offline

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3576
Loc: Northern Wisconsin

I am so sorry that you were triggered by your old post

I am not sure if you will remember my talk with you in Marylins' site a year ago (I hope so) - but I would just like to say that I will burn my Angel candle tonight in honor of your brother - and remember, he is still with you - he always has been - and he is very proud of you for all of the good things you have done - he does not blame you - you did the best you could for him

If you need to talk - please Email or call (the phone is on 24/7)

Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

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