My heart goes out to you. It's so difficult for those living with survivors, especially when they first learn about what happened. All of your emotions are understandable and a normal reaction.
I've read through all your posts and the replies these past couple of days. I believe both you and your husband need to talk to a qualified therapist, someone who has the training in sexual abuse issues and addictions. Your pastor may not really be able to properly guide the two of you through this difficult time.
Sounds like you're still in shock. Take some deep breaths and pray for calmness. The answers and healing aren't going to happen immediately.
Depending where you live in NJ there are lots of qualified therapists, start calling around and interviewing them.
Here's link, on the web site, to an article by Ken Singer, a therapist in NJ whom is also a board member of MS:NOMSV. A Consumers Guide To Therapist Shopping
Hang in there Sandy, you're showing incredible strength and caring/compassion for your husband. You can get through this.