Hi Guize,
been catching up on a few posts over the past few days.
So nice to see the family friends board so active. Nice as in the absurdity of not feeling so alone in this toilet bowl spin of "what the hell am I doing now?" kunundra.
Bwashington -- for you especially if I injured your feelings in my response to your original posting I apologize. I am no whiz with words, but I do care. Your situation is a hard one. Especially with baby on the way. I can only encourage you to Make YOURSELF and BABY first through all of your future. A razor blade that has one helluva sharp edge for you.
Since I am new to the the support portion of SA and am very biased by being a SA survivor myself I more than often blur lines of hubby2's & others abuse issues with my own.
In other words, I can talk a good game of shit -- but acting on my own advice is a whole new matter very foriegn to me.
From my own experience as a survivor I can share that my classic response was / is to pull back AFTER I shared some particular info pertaining to my SA. Thinking thoughts from everything from - well, that should prove i am the piece of shit i already know I am, to - if the person i shared with is any kind of a stand up tough enough to handle me then they will chase me down then and only then are they "worthy" of my "trust". Basically placing that person in a no win situation, because if they did come back after me my paranoid self would then question if the were more just interested in "morbid details" for gossip. Constantly I worked to test that person the "push and pull" as someone posted.
Perhaps thru luck alone my snotty bullheaded selfish self pushed me to not let my abusers win a freaking mental battle in my life as I aimed for the "white picket fence" bullshit crammed down our throats via society etc.
there are no hard and fast answers -- at least none I can find yet being new on the flip side of the coin for support of a survivor.
I know I am going to fuck up a lot trying my best to be a good support for hubby2 -- just as equally as I fucked up raising my girls.
But I didnt raise those girls alone by myself, I had a lot of help from a spouse/s, teachers, neighbors, chosen family and lots of great therapists along the way.
A few antidepressants, books, music, art and best of all the times where life was just too damn busy living to give a whole lot of energy to concentrating soley only SA issues.
Only recently since I have been dx'd with a long term illness am I learning that I am most important in taking care of me....
It's really hard to do .... it's more than just really hard to do -- it's the hardest damn thing I have ever had to do in my life that and letting others help me to do even the simplest tasks...
Hang in Gang -- for my own SA issues I can say they have never ever gone away -- they wont, they were very core in my developement stages as a person, but those issues do get more manageable.
The levels of understanding of ourselves and our issues change for so many different factors -- but we grow and change along the way gaining new tools as to how to handle the changes, and develope more tools through the new changes. Sometimes those tools work, other times they dont -- but i keep trying , I hope you all do keep trying right along with others.
May Peace Fill Us All ~ Wifey1