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#63831 - 12/12/02 04:11 PM "change back" behaviour
PAS Offline

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Hey evr'yone...

Any of you in your quest to become healthier have started reshaping healthier boundaries, only to have some people in your life resist your growth towards healthiness?

My bf who's really doing a lot to help himself heal, is finding that he's losing/lost a few of his old "buddies" (those that he shared drugs/alcohol with) put up with their emotionally controlling behaviour - sux for someone who finds it hard to upset anyone to finally stand up for himself and be met with this behaviour! So much for positive reinforcement!


#63832 - 12/12/02 04:11 PM Re: "change back" behaviour
PAS Offline

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
heehee.. is "healthiness" even a word? \:\)

#63833 - 12/12/02 05:07 PM Re: "change back" behaviour
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
heehee.. is "healthiness" even a word? \:\)
Well, Soc, you got my insatiable curiosity up, so:

healthiness: "the state or condition of being healthy; soundness; freedom from disease." (Websters' Dictionary)

Besides, look at all the words that weren't even in dictionaries not too many years ago--computer, fibromyalgia, psychotherapy (I have em' all!). TV shows & politicians get whole new languages started. Surely we survivors & friends are entitled to that at least?! :rolleyes:

But to answer your quest-ion: YES!

And from my experience I would say to your BF: "With friends like that who needs enemies!"

Partly becuz of people like that, we survivors often have difficulty trusting enuf to make friends. I pray your BF & all of us will find the true friends who are out there for us. And that we can be those kinds of friends to one another.

Take care Soc


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#63834 - 12/13/02 01:47 AM Re: "change back" behaviour
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
he hasn't lost any of his old buddies, he's leaving the losers behind !

I did, and you know what ? I aint missed them \:D


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#63835 - 12/13/02 08:48 PM Re: "change back" behaviour
Cement Offline

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
The best man at my wedding, the man whom I would call my best friend, is drifting away, as I realize that all he ever talks about is himself.

I am not sure if I used to enjoy hearing about his struggles, or that if I have problems or achievements he only ever refers back to himself.

As sufferers we have behaviors tht draw us to certain kinds of people. We are overly supportive, enqablers even someimtes. Once a survivor, we need people around us who can stand on their own two feet but are not afraid to lend a shoulder every now and then.

And so I say, "Goodbye, John" to my former best friend, whose own two feet aren't holding him up, and whose shoulder is not there.

I hope I helped.

And let the darkness fear our light.

#63836 - 12/14/02 03:12 AM Re: "change back" behaviour
Sleepy Offline

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
It's only natural that we lose friends as we begin to recover, at least for me. Like Clement, I have begun to lose a very close person to me. She, yes she, was my college roommate and my closest friend throughout those years. She is a very charismatic person. I always thought that if she came up with the notion that she was Jesus she could easily start her own cult. Since I have been emotionally stunted since my abuse, it was easy to associated myself with her because she would tell me how to feel and how to behave. Now as I try to reclaim my life I find that I can no longer be around her. I need to think for myself. It's a bit sad because we do have a lot of similar interests but it is best for me to distance myself. I'm sure this goes for a lot of people around here.
Take care,

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck


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