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#6362 - 04/17/03 07:39 AM "Membership"
Ron_dup1 Offline

Registered: 05/13/02
Posts: 87
Loc: Arkansas
I have been active on this site in the discussion boards and chat room for a year now. i attended the retreat in NY back in Sept. But, I have still not become a member here...
I am really thinking about it and have some thoughts and questions... I'd love to hear your comments.
First, I guess I just have a problem with the idea of membership fees or dues. I feel like I have "paid my dues" in pain, blood and tears to be a "member" of any group for male survivors of sexual abuse.
Second, I am affraid. One of the things I love about this place is the realative anonimity. I am affraid that if I join I will be added to some mailing list or something.
Third, I feel that I really want to support financially any group that has helped me and so many others to heal so much!
I guess I am just trying to decide what to do. I mean the membership fee is very reasonable, so that is not the issue for me. It is just all emotional.

I would love to hear from any of you who are members or those of you who, like I, have chosen not to join.

Thanks for your input...

#6363 - 04/17/03 01:55 PM Re: "Membership"
MS Admin Offline

Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 382
Hello Ron,

The Privacy Statement is an accurate document.

Exchange of MaleSurvivor Member Addresses
Individual information about website visitors, including e-mail addresses, is never shared with third parties.

Membership Information
MaleSurvivor does not sell, loan or rent out our membership list to anyone.

I have been associated with MS for many years both as a member and as a board member. To my knowledge our privacy policy has never been violated.

The decision to join is a personal one. Whatever you decide, know that your anonymity is a sacred trust that we take very seriously.

The Team at MaleSurvivor

Please read the faq's for answers to the most commonly asked questions.

#6364 - 04/17/03 06:34 PM Re: "Membership"
Cement Offline

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
We are all 'members' because of our shared experience.

But there are costs associated with making this site available and to provide badly needed services to men who otherwise would have nowhere to turn.

I live in a major metropolitan area (Los Angeles) and there are no male groups anywhere within 50 miles that I have been able to find. There is individual counseling, and I could attend an incest survivor group, but it is an hour's drive away and for men and women. That is it, in one of the largest metro areas in the country. Imagine the middle of the country.

I am not complaining, in fact just the opposite. MaleSurvivor IS my group. It is open 24 hours a day, and I can say whatever I want in COMPLETE anonymity.

I have learned about so many facets of my life here, from the physical (sleep problems) to the very emotional (intimacy and rage). I know I will always get, if nothing else, validation that I have been heard when I post here.

I glady pay my membership just to have this forum.

But we need to make it available to others, to loudly cry out to our brothers in the wolf pack who are lost in the woods, who are searching in loneliness and fear, who are weak and need our protection.

We must howl to every corner, get the word to them that we are here and that they are safe with us, so they may come here and find some peace.

James, AKA Diego, AKA Cement

And let the darkness fear our light.

#6365 - 04/17/03 08:18 PM Re: "Membership"
Sleepy Offline

Registered: 10/08/02
Posts: 288
Loc: Arizona, USA
So James, are you as tough as cement?

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
--Ursula K. Le Guin

"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times."
--M. Scott Peck

#6366 - 04/17/03 09:05 PM Re: "Membership"
Ivanhoe Offline

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Supporting this site with our funds is
providing us with this space to support one another. I don't know how much this site means to you, but if it went away, I think that I would miss it like a good friend. You see, there is only one friend of mine, outside of this site, that I can speak to about the abuse that happened to me. Like the guys in this room, my one friend, outside of this site, has become a trusted friend.
I especially appreciate the sliding scale that has been established for our paid memberships. Although I had to enter at the lowest level on that scale, I plan to contribute at least $100 dollars per year if they'll have me. I don't know where I could find such a forum, 24/7. When you get your membership packet, you're given time to decide whether or not you want to be listed in MS's directory. Since I'm not a professional therapist, I'm still wrestling with that one, although, I do know that there are guys listed in the directory who are also not professionals, just members llike me, and, I hope, you. There are other printouts encluded in the membership packet, and the enclosed booklet of one brother's story, is worth the membership fee. Hoping you'll join.
one of the newest members, and certainly not one the youngest,

"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

#6367 - 04/17/03 10:08 PM Re: "Membership"
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
there's not much to add after all that, your anonimity is guaranteed, and as David / Ivanhoe points out the inclusion in the members directory is optional.

By joining you can access the Members forums where the topics are only seen by the members.
Sometimes the topics on these forums dig deep and a lot of good work is done there.

As administrator of the forums I have access to some information, but only what the members choose to include when signing up, and I promise that it is not used for any public purpose at all.

This site strives to provide a supportive and safe environment for all of us who are recovering from SA, we understand the need for anonimity and safety and everyone here works hard to ensure our safety.

I hope you join Ron, in some ways it's a commitment to yourself.


Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

#6368 - 04/17/03 10:13 PM Re: "Membership"
Cement Offline

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
So James, are you as tough as cement?
Mike, I chose my name originally because I felt like some emotions and abilities had been covered up or buried. I have to get through the cement to them.

As time has gone on, the nickname has become flexible and mallible to my own interpretation.

Sometimes it signifies the strength and foundation I have been able to discover in my self. Sometimes it is for how hard headed I can be.

But, still, mostly, I see it as a concrete bunker keeping my emotions safe from whatever may get them.

Like the bunkers built in the 1950's to hide families in case of nuclear attack from the Russians, my cement shelter is an anachronism. I would like to get inside and see it, maybe throw a party in there for all the scared children.

I am working on it, but the damn door is locked...covered in cement.


And let the darkness fear our light.

#6369 - 04/18/03 01:15 AM Re: "Membership"
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...

Not much to add about membership except to affirm the commitment to privacy & anonymity, and that the member forums have been helpful to me with some things I just am not ready to trust to the public yet.

But everyone is different and fact is we are all part of this brotherhood of survivors.


You're nickname may be Cement my friend, but to me you're not just another brick in the wall.

You're a rock, as in solid!


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#6370 - 04/18/03 01:22 AM Re: "Membership"
Cement Offline

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
thank you Victor!

A Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

And let the darkness fear our light.

#6371 - 04/18/03 01:49 AM Re: "Membership"
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Brothers I look on membership as a sacred priviledge. In my small way I can help to provide a safe haven for intimate discussions most of us have never had. It is a place of warmth, love, healing and yes true brotherhood. Our only purpose is to help each other and welcome with honest open arms the newcomers who find us. Memebership is a small price to pay for benefits that are returned 1000%.



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