Multi's - now I'm with you, and to call it a problem was me stumped for the right word to describe it. But based on my experience with dissasociation it was for me !
My own experience of dissasociation was never diagnosed as DID by my therapist. And he's very good and would certainly have been aware of it if it was present.
For me, at it's worst, it was I suppose a splitting away from "normality" for quite long periods of time, completely within myself though. To those around me I appeared normal.
But my diss' and the fantasies involved took me away from everything totally for hours at a time, day after day.
Nothing else held any importance and I learned to do my job, talk to my wife and all the other stuff on auto-pilot around my escape mechanism.
Inevitably it was tied up with gay porn and masturbation whenever I could, many times a day. Eventually acting out became the only thing to give me the kicks I desired.
Looking back at my actions, and thinking over those years I have often described what went on as "not me, I didn't do those things"
Physically of course it was, but it wasn't "me" in control.
To some people this can easily sound like a cop out, but I, and the people who listen to me and care believe it. Some, like my wife and my best friend can now recognise what was happening.
What I went through was bad enough, it crept up from the time my abuse ended at 15yo and has only become manageable in the last year or so - 34 years later.
The struggle to overcome it has been enormous, it still happens sometimes - it kicks in and most times I can stop it fairly rapidly. But now, even if I can't stop it it hardly works. The old fantasies and escapes don't have the same effect anymore. Trying to masturbate or have sex with them is a failure.
The harder part now is finding out what replaces them, I'm loathed to try "normal porn" as i fear that wont work either, and it's only a couple of clicks to the stuff I know used to work.
What I'm striving for is enjoying making love to my wife, who's a very sexual woman with virtually no inhibitions, and enjoying it for what it is - good sex between two people who love each other.
But the old ways are hard to shift, I relied on them for over 30 years, and it's probably too much to expect to shift them in just 3 or 4.
From what you describe about your partner I get the feeling his diss' is deeper and more ingrained, but it is possible to shift it slowly.
And worth every bit of the effort involved.
Living your life as another version of yourself is a bum deal, and whatever it takes for me to escape "his" clutches is ok with me.
those smiley faces ??