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#63420 - 12/15/04 11:04 AM Somebody, please help
reesersgrl Offline

Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 37
Loc: ny
I am in such a nervous state of mind myself right now. It's been 9 days since I've heard from my Fiance. He has cut off all ties with me and won't even take my phone calls. As I have said previously, he's been not coming home, or late etc..and I found out that he's been staying at the home of a man of that he says has an interest in young boys. Well 9 days ago, he left here in the middle of the night to go there. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I found him, so I went there. I was obviously upset, and lost my temper. He followed me home and got up early ther nextmorning and left me horrible messageson the answering machine, saying things like "I was thinking about what you did to me last night" blah blah blah.I didn't do anything except try to find out what was happening in MY life with MY Fiance!!Anyway, I haven't heard from him since and it's killing me. I was willing to stick by his side through all of this bullS&*^ and HE LEAVES ME??? What kind of person just walks out and doesn't look back, especially when there are children involved?? I'm so upset. No talking, no discussing--that's it. I know everyone keeps saying, just let him go, it's for the best...but I know that he is a good person with a lot of s/a stuff to deal with and bpd, etc.. so there is a reason for this madness. All I wanted to do is help him and see him laugh and smile again. I fel completely washed up and defeated. I put a lot of time and energy into this relationship and to him. Somebody talk to me.....

#63421 - 12/15/04 11:18 AM Re: Somebody, please help
reesersgrl Offline

Registered: 07/08/04
Posts: 37
Loc: ny
I forgot to say that the reason bobby is giving me for being there is that he is writing a book, or trying to about his life and the s/a--very therapeutic, I imagine and I encourage that. Anyway, this man has the computer system he needs to do it and he is also an English teacher and has some writing experience. He bends over backwards for bobby, gets him whatever he needs and gives him his own personal "space" for quiet and alone time. AM I JUST BEING A FRIGGING FOOL??

#63422 - 12/15/04 08:43 PM Re: Somebody, please help
MikeNY Offline

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
What you need to do is take care of yourself right now. If you are that upset, you may wish to consider seeing a doctor about some temporary medicine for anxiety.

"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

#63423 - 12/15/04 10:17 PM Re: Somebody, please help
wildheart Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/08/04
Posts: 4
Loc: NJ/PA
Please make sure you're taking care of yourself here.

I understand your wanting to help him, but you can only be there to a certain capacity before you end up needing help of your own. There need to be boundaries; limits.

It is wonderful that you want to support him, but you being supportive does not mean that he gets to treat you however he feels like it at the moment. You're not his punching bag; you're his fiance.

Best of luck to you. Remember to take care of yourself; you won't be much help to him or your child(ren) if you're always stretched thin and anxious.


Seeking to be the best friend I can be.


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