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#63178 - 09/03/02 04:43 AM Re: So many questions...need answers
WorriedFriend Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/23/02
Posts: 7
Loc: New Jersey
Yes - logistics ;-) if I am going to do something, I want to do it right, and I simply have no frame of reference for it... although who knows if it may happen again?

It is just so hard... I am so sad for him, for anyone that has to go through this! and I can't talk to anyone about this - other than you all here! I don't even want to tell my therapist about it... which I guess means I need a new therapist... but my immediate problem is this: this happened last week, and while he has spoken briefly to me... he hasn't wanted to see me or really talk about what happened... needs to deal with his "demons" he says... i am trying to be patient... i simply call and tell him i am thinking about him but i would love to (need to!) see him and just hold him, look him in the eyes and tell him everything is OK... (but is it?) i am sure he is dealing with guilt and shame and confusion... i just don't think he should have to deal with this on his own... he is so damn independent... he even says he is like a robot... and I totally understand why he'd be like that - why depend on anyone only to have them hurt you or let you down? why expose himself to me and have to deal with all this shit? and when we do talk about it, should I mention the abuse? we haven't even mentioned it in relation to his fantasies... i gather that the consensus is to let him deal with it in his own time and not to rush him, but damn i just wish he'd let me back in... i think it would be good for him...

#63179 - 09/04/02 04:01 PM Re: So many questions...need answers
JamesMichael Offline

Registered: 07/24/02
Posts: 134
Roy and Lloydy,

Your responses to WorriedFriend are incredible. I'd love to get your read on my story, but I can't write right now. I really respect what you've honestly offered here. Thank you for your insights.


I'm just glad this place exists. Maybe your guy-friend will join us here one day.


#63180 - 01/27/03 10:23 PM Re: So many questions...need answers
crushed Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/27/03
Posts: 4
Loc: FL
You have some wonderful and encouraging words for us family. Thank you for your posts.

#63181 - 01/28/03 12:01 AM Re: So many questions...need answers
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Thanks so much for that, I like coming onto this forum and trying to help.

I know from experience how much difference support and understanding means to us survivors.
And I'm lucky that my wife gives me that totally.

But I have seen, and she's told me a bit, of how my struggles and my past affect her.
And that hurts me a lot. To think that 'they' affected not just my life but her innocent life as well infuriates me.

So I appreciate all her help, and if I can return that help to her - or you and the other survivors partners, then I'll try my best.

Dave ;\)

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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