This is a very difficult situation to be in. My husband was abused, has fantasies about being with other men, wanting 3somes, me with another man, etc. I understand his boundaries are way out of whack and he tends to sexualize everything.
I've been with my hubby for 6 yrs now and finally he is being open and honest. He's gone online chatting sexually with other men and he lied to me about many things. He did meet one man 5 yrs ago and had oral sex. It was difficult to hear but he tells me everything (or so he says, but I'm trying to trust him)
For me I also understand what being abused is like since I was also abused. It effected me differently that it did him. So we both are in counseling.
The more my husband is in therapy the better it is. The more he understands that his behavior/thoughts are normal for his situation the more he feels less like a freak.
Take some time for yourself, take care of yourself. I have moments where I'm really scared and insecure but some of it has to do with my past.
We're here for you!!! I am so thankful for this place, I've learned a lot, I hope it's a blessing for you as well
The Spirit in me meets the same Spirit in you'
Hebrews 13:5 Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you