Newest Members
Ransuko, Lovme4me, MRSAS, blueheart, aonmadera559
13554 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
di (71), Justin113 (35), Kurt (50), Mike Church (77), seeker2 (62), Steve P (64), vhd11 (52)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 53 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,554 Registered Members
75 Forums
70,487 Topics
492,240 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 11:29 AM
Topic Options
#62381 - 06/27/06 12:32 AM Feeling irrational today
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
What do you do when fear overwhelms you for no apparent reason? My b/f and I had a nice weekend. It was raining, so nothing going on outside, but he worked on building a bar for the room we just renovated (itís almost done and looks fabulous) and I cleaned the house in preparation for a party weíre having this coming Saturday. Nothing out of the ordinary happened at all and in fact, everything was just normal. I got home a bit late last night and went straight to bed. I didnít sleep well at all, tossing, turning, up, down; it was awful. Well I must have fallen asleep at some point and I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamed that he was acting out again. That he was back with one woman in particular. In my dream, when I confronted him, he was sorry and crying, but she (this woman Iíve never met) was laughing at me for playing the fool. I woke up in such a state I almost didnít come to work.

I so want to shake this off, but I canít. I e-mailed my b/f a few hours ago, but didnít hear back from him right away, which is unusual. So my mind really started going crazy. What if heís out meeting her or someone else right now? I called him and he answered the phone right away. Theyíre having server problems at work. I felt silly.

My b/f has given me no reason to suspect that heís up to no good. Heís been going to therapy every week. Weíve been talking very openly and honestly with each other. If heís down, like over fatherís day weekend, heíll acknowledge it to me and to himself and talk it out with his T when he sees her. He doesnít shut me out, and he doesnít overwhelm me with stuff that he needs to work out with her.

Overall, things have been very peaceful, so whatís my problem? I think part of it may be that we have been living a very conventional life. That works for me. I love the security of usual, everyday things with some excitement thrown in for good measure. He, on the other hand, always lived a very unconventional life. He used to tease me years ago that he could never do what I do. Maybe Iím afraid that things are just too boring for him.

Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Iím just totally stressing for NO F***ING reason!

ROCK ON........Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

#62382 - 06/27/06 05:35 AM Re: Feeling irrational today
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA

Take some deep breaths and give yourself permission to stress. \:\)

You've been through a LOT with this man and maybe it's just taking time to process. Trust takes time to rebuild.

Hey, maybe since things are finally evening out with him, you're just giving yourself permission to be the one who needs a little extra support and TLC regarding all the relationship issues.

Look, not too long ago, he chose you and he knew all about your life. He didn't have to do that if he didn't want to or if he thought it was boring. Sometimes we need to learn to trust the guys that love us about the good stuff too.

Have a good time in your fabulous new room,


#62383 - 06/27/06 06:26 PM Re: Feeling irrational today
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey

Thanks for the encouragement. I went to his house last night to do an inventory of what we already have and plan a menu for the BBQ on Saturday so I could go shopping tonight. Everything was most fine. We laughed and giggled, I admired the still in progress, but almost finished bar, we kissed goodnight and I went home. I felt better when I left and slept pretty well.

I do need a little extra attention every now and then. My b/f is actually very affectionate, but the words are almost never there. I know it's hard for him to speak about his feelings, or lack of them, and it usually doesn't phase me at all because of how truly attentive he is. His actions usually say all I need. Maybe it's a woman thing, but every now and then, I feel like I just need to HEAR the words and reassurances.

I don't know what happened yesterday. Just a bump in the road that I didn't see coming I guess. Today is better.

ROCK ON.......Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.