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#61906 - 07/14/01 05:23 PM Trying to understand

Hi everyone,

I am the mother of a 9 yr old molestation victim and I am trying to understand why my son kept this horrible secret for a year. I feel so helpless and betrayed and angry at times even angry at my son for not trusting me enough to tell me what this creep was doing to him.

Is there anyone that can help me understand? I wish I had known my heart aches that my son has endured such dehumanisation and pain alone.

thanks for listening, Dallas \:\(

#61907 - 07/16/01 01:42 PM Re: Trying to understand
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
well, if he is at all like me and just about every other survivor i have ever met, he thought it was his fault and that yuo would not love him if you knew.


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

#61908 - 07/16/01 03:41 PM Re: Trying to understand
Brian B14 Offline

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York

I know its difficult, but please try not to be angry at your son. It will only re-affirm the reasons why he didn't tell you in the first place. He is probably overwhelmed with confusion and shame. He needs you to support him and love him. He also needs to hear that he didn't do anything wrong; it wasn't his fault. He was not trying to hurt you by not telling, he was just ashamed. This shame will be with him for a long time unless you help him release it.

I would strongly recommend you to get him into counseling ASAP (if you haven't already). If he can deal with the feelings now, he will be so much better off. It will also help him to not have the "victims mentality" that might allow him to get re-victimized in the future (that is very common). Please get him some help!!!

Goog luck and God Bless you and your son,


#61909 - 07/16/01 11:08 PM Re: Trying to understand
tryingtohelp Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 0
Dallas, I am also a mother with a wonderful son and I pray to god that you and your son get the help that you and him need. I unfortunatly cannot tell you how you should deal with this other than to say get him into therapy asap and to love him and support him as much as he needs. Tell him every night that he is a wonderful child and he did nothing wrong. Just love him and be there for him when he needs you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

#61910 - 07/17/01 12:11 AM Re: Trying to understand

Thank you all so much! This is the most appalling crime, it's caused the death of my son's soul and so much pain and guilt. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to me it means a lot.

My son is in therapy and still at times denies that he endured abuse....I guess it is just way too painful at times. It just breaks my heart that his innocents was stolen and I was unable to protect him. Do your parents know about your abuse? I wish you all peace and healing...thank you Dallas

#61911 - 07/17/01 04:43 PM Re: Trying to understand

I was 26 years old when I was attacked and raped by 3 men..I kept it a secrete for 10 years...I was 26 years old and felt like it was my fault...I have been in therapy for 7 months now and just beginning to stop blaming myself...If a 26 year old guy feels this way imagine what a 9 year old must feel like...Please show him nothing but support and constantly try to convince him, he did nothing wrong.

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Mark I ]

#61912 - 07/17/01 05:01 PM Re: Trying to understand

Hi Mark,

Thank you for responding. My heart goes out to you and all the others who have suffered through. I am so thankful for all of your open hearts, your willingness to share with a stranger your deepest pain. Each of you are valuable and worthy of love and never forget that. Each night I carry away from this site a new precious soul to hold dear to my heart. God Bless, Dallas


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