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#61882 - 07/14/01 03:04 PM trying to love
tryingtohelp Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 0
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year and about 7 months ago he opened up to me and told me of the abuse he suffered when he was a child. At first I didnt know how to react to the news he seemed to act so casually about it even going so far as to crack jokes about it. But progressivly over the past 7 months he has I believe started to take it more seriously. He is now in therapy and it seems to be doing well for him I have seen great strides in his progress which I have made him very aware of how proud of him I am. He says he loves me but he is confused right now he is pushing me away and this is not the first time he has done this he pushes me away for a couple of weeks then he comes back and everything is ok. How long am I supposed to do nothing but love him and want to help him and be supportive of him? Should I keep my opinions to myself and just step back and let him do what he feels he needs to do to help him self even if it means breaking my heart and leaving me to feel as though I mean nothing to him? He knows I love him, I have given him the space he has needed in the past but I am not so sure I can put myself on this emotional trip again. Do my feelings count here? Do I let the inevidable happen and be heart broken for a couple of weeks and wait for him? Every time he has pushed me away I have been scared he will not come back, should I just let fate play out its course? I love him and I am scared of losing him. He means more to me than I think he actually realizes or maybe he does realize it but he is scared to admit it. He has said to me in the past he doesnt deserve to be loved as much as I love him. Is this a reaction to his past abuse? I am just scared of losing the man I love for what I see is really not a good reason. There has been no fighting no arguments nothing to warrent this as far as I can see. All I want to do is hold him and love him and try to help to protect him from the past that he hates so much. I know only he can help himself but isnt there anything I can do besides sit on the sideline and wait? I have told him that I will not allow him to push me away this time that I want to help, is this the wrong thing to say? Again I ask dont my feelings count? What do I do?

#61883 - 07/14/01 05:29 PM Re: trying to love

I do not think this is a time for you to expect anything from your boyfriend, he is sorting through a very traumatic time in his life. Your boyfriend needs a shoulder, an ear, a heart that cares and gentleness. Be strong and supportive of him.

My heart goes out to your boyfriend and you also. D

#61884 - 07/16/01 01:46 PM Re: trying to love
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
you have to do what is best for you, hang in there as long as you can, he has a lot to work out and probably has a lot of shame around what happened, i suspect when he is not feeling good about himself is when he has to push you away.

You cant tell him enough that you still love him and that he is going to be ok.

I wish you both the best,


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

#61885 - 07/16/01 03:31 PM Re: trying to love
Brian B14 Offline

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York

I agree with John. You have to take care of yourself. Your boyfriend is going through some difficult things. He may not be able to fulfill your needs at this time. Try to listen to him, encourage him and support him. Thats about all you can do for him at this time.

Good luck and may God bless both of you,



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