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#61840 - 06/22/01 12:08 AM still here...still upset...

I thank those who replied. I was beginning to feel like there was no one out there who was listening even though I am screaming. I now have a serious hunch that my husband has started a website where you are charged for "admission." I think it may be porn. I know just enough about the net to get to a certain point, and then I can't get any more info out of our computer. This is the second time in our relationship that he has had problems with the internet. Last time, he was having a supposedly non-sexual internet relationship with a girl. I also have discovered that he has frequented several love and relationship matching sites--I don't know if he has registered with them or not, but it is hurtful all the same. All the evidence points to him seeking out other women on the web. I just keep wondering if I shouldn't just give there a male out there who can give me a clue on what he is going through? He has been diagnosed with depression as well. How about a female that has experienced this with her husband? Please email me. I feel like I am going crazy!

#61841 - 07/01/01 02:40 AM Re: still here...still upset...
abcd Offline

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA

I am actually someone who was abused, but I wanted to briefly respond. I am sorry to hear about the tough time you are going through. There are ways of checking what's going on in the internet and the like, and I can try to tell you how to find those just to check out what he's doing, but I don't know that you really want to know. I'm also no computer expert--although I have learned some things along the way. Yes, the internet has been both a blessing and a great fault for me personally. It's tough because it has fed lots of my hurt--especially porn (which is perhaps what your husband is going through), but it has also allowed me to actually talk to someone about it anonymously and deal with it. I think that this little community here is fairly supportive and have been very helpful. I do not know what to say...I'm only slightly younger than you and your husband, but I have learned some things with this abuse. I do not know if you are a religious person, but whether you are or you're not, I can tell you that prayer works :o) I have been frustrated with many things and have done many, many things that I regret. I do not know where your relationship with your husband stands, but I think that as long as you both feel you can turn to each other for help, that's good. From having fought incessantly with my girlfriend at one point, I learned that sometimes some healing is needed, and everyone has to swallow a little bit of their pride (regardless of who is right or wrong). Even though my girlfriend and I are no longer "going out" nor do we talk as often as we used to, I do feel that we truly love each other and would be there for each other no matter what. To this day, she perhaps is stil my "best friend" of sorts, and we continue to keep in touch (our conversations sometimes sound like we are still going out). It's so tough looking in and wanting to help--my girlfriend must have felt the same way. I certainly did when I wanted to help her with her problems (my girlfriend had her own problems as well). Anyway, whatever you decide to do (I'm not a marriage counselor of any sort), I recommend also 1) trying to at least slowly get to the level where you both know that you both truly care for each other no matter what you have both been through and 2) just pray [a couple minutes before you go to bed even just to focus your thoughts would be good]. Anyway, that is it. I hope that helped. Take what you wish of my blabbing (he-he). Btw, if you want more people to respond, perhaps try to directly write a message to some people who seem to respond a lot in the Survivors forum (I assume that would be okay to the administrator). I actually do not normally check this forum, so perhaps that's why no one has responded. Anyway, just know that someone is thinking of you and your husband :o)


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