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#61826 - 06/19/01 04:12 AM Wearing thin

My husband of 4 years was abused on 3 separate occassions as a child. He did not tell me until we had been married for almost 2 years...until I read some of the things on this site, I thought that was a long time to wait, but apparently not!
He recently left the active duty military in order to pursue civilian life. I don't know if he is having a hard time adjusting or if it is his old issues coming back to haunt him. He is currently seeing a therapist, although he has only been a few times so far. We are not very far in to this yet, but his behavior throughout our relationship has become a pattern that is not healthy. I don't know how long I can wait for him to begin the healing process. He has barely spoken to me and has not physically touched me in any way for 6 weeks now. It was very sudden and any attempts I make at connecting with him in any way are met with resistance, to say the least. I am also in therapy, but I am only 24 years old (he is 27) and I am beside myself! If he weren't so cold towards me, I would feel more compassionate towards him. He offers no explanation. His job is also on the line, so I know he is under a lot of stress right now. His temper has in the recent past been violent, he spends money we don't have, lies fairly constantly about anything and everything, and drinks, although not to oblivion, but much more frequently than he ever has in the past and it makes me very worried and uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. It seems that no matter what I do, he pushes me away. I am beginning to think that divorce is a more viable option than I first thought. I am at my wits' end. I have been with him for 5 and a half years and I would prefer not to dissolve our marriage. But at this point, I have nothing to give me hope. This is the first website I have seen for the family of abuse victims. Thanks. Any calming ideas anyone can offer would be MUCH appreciated. I am doing the best I can to keep myself feeling anchored and sane in order to better help him, but he is so rude and cold sometimes that it makes it difficult for me to continue to reach out to him over and over.
Again, any help would be much appreciated. Thanks.

#61827 - 06/19/01 06:16 PM Re: Wearing thin
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
If there is any way you can get into couples therapy together to work on your marriage, i would suggest it.

It seems to me that you have three things going that need to be taken care of and they are all seperate.

1. Your sanity and safety
2. His sanity and safety and healing
3. Your marriage, its sanity and safety

Sounds like some big orders to me, i sure hope some breakthrough comes soon for all of your sake.


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.


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