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#61772 - 06/08/01 06:55 PM Was my husband sexually abused?

My husband has told me that an older sister and he played sexual games (she was ten years his senior, he was 5 years old) and that she supplied him with pronography. For many years he felt guilty over this and felt that he instigated the sexual behavior. I believe he was molested because of the difference in their ages. Was he? Am I overracting? if he does not get help could there be psycholigical consequences? He says that it does not bother him anymore.

#61773 - 08/09/01 07:46 PM Re: Was my husband sexually abused?

Of course your husband was sexually abused. The age difference and the relationship of the offender are key here:

1) At 5, your husband was a small, pre-pubescent child. At 15, his sister was an almost fully grown, post-puberty young woman.
The age difference is a great power imbalance between the two, with the sister holding the power.

2) As his older sister, she had a position of power over him respective to his position in the family hierarchy. He looked up to her (small children do look up to their older siblings)and she abused her power over him.

3) NO 5-year-old "instigates" sexual acts with an older sibling that the older sibling cannot gently turn aside as "inappropriate touching." Small children ARE sexually curious, but a 15 year old is old enough to be responsible for her own sexuality, and to gently let a small child know what is and what isn't appropriate behavior.

4) Your post seems to indicate that they "played" sexual games more than once, and that the sister introduced pornography into your husband's very young life. There is nothing okay about this behavior.

Your husband's sister sounds like she was inappropriately sexualized at 15, possibly abused herself, and acting out having sexual control by controling the sexuality of a smaller, weaker male.

Is he automatically badly scarred by these events? No, but may I ask what brings you to this forum? Are there perhaps issues in your life together that have caused you to believe that he WAS deeply, adversely affected? It certainly wouldn't be surprising. Perhaps his telling you is a first step toward exorcising this ghost from his past.

#61774 - 08/09/01 10:08 PM Re: Was my husband sexually abused?
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California

Sad Wife is like right on top of this stuff!!

All i can say is a big "ditto"

He was molested, your not over reacting. You can't know how it has effected him unless he tells you and you have to take what he says at face value, if he wants to dig into it or if it causes problems in your relationship then you have a say in it too, until then, i would say be supportive of him.


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.


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